I can't even see the box from here.

Years ago, in mediation class, we took a personality quiz to determine our conflict styles. As I expected, I was a profound avoider. At our next class, the teacher grouped us with our own types to do an exercise. The set-up was that we were on a board of directors for a company. An old friend, who happened to be on the board of directors for the rival company, called up to say that there was a opportunity that would bring large benefits to both companies if only the companies could overcome their historical squabbling and work together. Because of the rivalry, this offer couldn’t be made formally; the friend was using our personal relationship see whether there was a way to use the opportunity.

The assignment was to figure out how you would bring this opportunity to the rest of the board. The hypothetical included profiles of the other board members. One was argumentative but influential; if you won her over, everyone would follow. A couple were mild-mannered followers. One would want tons of information to make a decision, but had a reputation for being open-minded. There were a couple others I don’t remember now.

So we sat in a circle in class, the rest of the avoiders and me. Should we give a presentation at the next board meeting? Should we round up supporters first? Which ones? We spent ten, fifteen minutes fidgeting and deciding whom to approach first. We were getting tense, but not from the discussion. As I remember, there was no disagreement at all about how to approach the other board members. We all thought exactly the same about approaching people in order from mild to scary. We still felt worse and worse until I said “Or, we could not approach any of them and not call our friend back.” Oh, the smiles of relief. Of course. That’s what we’ll do.