html xmlns="" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> From the archives: Stilettos or fuck-me boots?

Friday, November 10, 2006

Stilettos or fuck-me boots?

League was great last night. We kept our heads and our spirit against a fast, experienced team; we went on a run in the second half to give them a challenge. Everyone played great. I ran a nice buttonhook in the endzone for a score, and threw a backhand assist to a beginner woman in the back corner. Fun.

After the game, we went to the bar. Readers, it got raunchy. You will be shocked to hear that a bunch of Ultimate players sat around drinking and talking about sex, but it just happened. I got some unusual results last night. (My preferences are excluded; they didn’t insist I answer before I went on to the next question.) There was unanimity about preferring receiving oral sex to giving oral sex, which I’ve never seen before; it usually trends toward giving. Every single person at the table preferred an A cup bra size to a D cup, and they can all fuck themselves. The good people of Ultimate preferred “is fit” to “looks fit” by a wide margin. Some people chose cheerleader over librarian at first, but then I demonstrated taking off the glasses and shaking my hair loose from a bun, and they changed their minds. People were fairly evenly split between tying someone up and getting tied up, girl on top or girl on bottom, morning or evening fuck. Everyone, bar none, enthusiastically preferred doggy style to any other position. There was an unusual amount of discussion about sheep or goat. TM thinks the wool gives you something to grab on to; SL thought goats have more personality. Valid points both.

UPDATE 11/25: While the crowd at the bar that night had a slight preference for fuck-me boots, the search terms that lead to this post are overwhelmingly in favor of boots. The Internets prefers hooker boots by a mile.

UPDATE 3/20: My internet friends who get to this post after googling "f*ck me boots", I am sorry to disappoint. But, why aren't you doing image searches? Surely that would get you to your goal much faster?


Blogger Tom said...

Maybe Angora goats are the best of both worlds?

1:28 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

I LOVE problem solvers. That was a freakin' excellent comment. I can barely type for laughing.

1:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Every single person at the table preferred an A cup bra size to a D cup, and they can all fuck themselves

What???? Grade-school teachers tell children, when assigning papers and book reports, that quality is more important than quantity. Maybe so, at least when it comes to schoolwork, but when it comes to cup size there just ain't no substitute for quantity!

(I know that statement pegs me as a crude, old-fashioned sort of man, but that's the way it is).

Iron Rails & Iron Weights

1:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm right there with Peter. The asymptote of happiness is difficult to reach with that one, but it is visible.

As for the sheep/goats, it is my understanding that goats smell. That should play some part in the decision. Though, when you're deciding between those two, you're desperate enough that smell doesn't matter. -K.

1:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know, large breasts don't really mean anything to me. I dated 2 girls with D cups, I don't know their full measurements, there are too many numbers and letters for me to understand all of that.

But, the first girl used them as an excuse all the time for why she couldn't do things, like run.

The 2nd girl wasn't obnoxious like that. But, they're not really all that exciting. I can think of a lot of things I'd rather see in a girl than big breasts.


2:29 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

there are too many numbers and letters for me to understand all of that.

What is with this "too hard for my pretty little head" stuff? You were asking me to dumb down equations before, and I know your math is solid. They weren't hard equations, either. Justin, we believe that you can be both gorgeous and smart. You don't have to play all 'math is hard'.

2:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Evaluating breasts on one axis alone is hopeless, Peter. I decry such impoverished aesthetics.

Justin, I'd say that bra sizing was easy, but apparently most women get it wrong, so I can't. It isn't, however, complicated!

3:04 PM  
Blogger Noel said...

Another late night programming, so of course I'm reading FTA.

You don't have to play all 'math is hard'.

Can you axiomatise the system of female measurements? I find it difficult to understand it all without a formal basis.

On a similar vein, where did that power of 1.5 come from in the weir equation? I can't see what it physically corresponds to. The square root of volume?

Oh yeah. I'm sitting on the fence. I might get a sore arse from doing so, but I'll also have more fun. I mean hot is hot, however you package it.

3:06 PM  
Blogger susan said...

Goats are pretty bony in general, which I would expect to translate to "ow." I'm as perplexed by their appeal as a copulatory option as I am by Sickly Lohan's.

3:11 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

No bashing goats!!! They are beautiful, too. In their own way, and to the goatherd.

Remember, FTA is a place where we judge people on their grammar, spelling and numeracy, not looks! No one's shape gets condemned here, not mine or celebrities'or goats'.

3:23 PM  
Blogger Bob V said...

I will *personally* put the beat down on anyone who even dreams of messing with a mountain goat.

3:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i'm just glad grown ups can still play dirty drinking games or talk about sex. Seems like so many people grow out of it, so I always wish I was 14 again when it was cool. How else can you enjoy being single?

Oh, def. librarian and D cup (the hair can always come down later, thats what makes it so sexy).

Giving on a man if you like him, reciving if the giver is good, and doggy style only for one night stands and the like, otherwise man on top.

I have no opinion about other species.

3:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Remember, I'm forgetting all the math I knew.

While at one point I used to be able to solve almost anything in my head. And had all kinds of tricks for estimating all kinds of numerical answers for things like sines, and cosines, and sqrts and whatnot, now I can barely add and subtract in my head.

And, in this case, I don't understand bra sizes because I'm not a girl. It all means nothing to me, I never shop for bras.

I don't understand all the different styles of underwear women wear either. It's just too much for me to keep track of. I have no preferences, I really just don't care. I'm not a big fan of lingerie, or any of that kind of crap either. Same goes for lotions, soaps, shampoos, conditioners, moisturizing anything, and any other random girl products.


3:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

also (my contribution to the explicit questions): who do you think about when masturbating and (at least for the ladies) do you use toys?

3:57 PM  
Blogger susan said...

Oh, I'm not condemning. While it may be unclear to me why certain things appeal to certain people, I'm not one to say those things are wrong. To each his/her own and all that. Just consider my comment the textual equivalent of a dog cocking its head all curious-like.

4:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

and sorry if I seem like some dirty old man come to talk about sex... i am a long time reader of the blog and although I love the water-talk, I have really enjoyed the dating and geek-love discussion. Where else can you go to hear your own thoughts in another women's mind as she decides whether a humanities professor (totally-non-optimized) is worth a shot? Anyway, you can refer to me as Jane from Tenn.

-Jane from TN

4:36 PM  
Blogger susan said...

And from here on out, I will refer to Ms. Lohan only by her actual given name. My bad.

4:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As this thread seems to have devolved into a discussion of vulgar topics, what about shaved women? I know shaving (or waxing) is trendy and all that, but I think it's a complete abomination that appeals to men with pedophilic tendencies.

Iron Rails & Iron Weights

7:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Peter, I used to feel that way. I still do about completely shaved, but I think mostly-shaved is much nicer than really hairy. Cleaner, simpler, sexier, less hair-in-teeth, etc.

- Jane from TN

7:45 PM  
Anonymous justus said...

Peter - Are women who find bald heads sexy also harboring pedophilic tendencies?

Whatever its origins I think at this point shaving has become little more than signalling, like wearing a wedding ring.

I'd guess that Ultimate players' preference for cup size is really a stand-in for athleticism.

8:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you Jane. At a certain point keeping it cleaned up down under is just considerate.

I am sad that I missed this topic yesterday and especially sad that I missed Tom's comment. I also laughed out loud to myself.

4:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Two thoughts. First, while I am not bashing goats, they do have horns, tempers and a tendency to snap at anything that comes too close (real farm goats, not the petting zoo variety). I think the folks voting that option have not actually spent much time around goats.

Second, no one seems to have addressed the question in the title. Maybe it it is a red state blue state thing, but in the Midwest I have usually heard them described as "f@#$ me heels" and "kick a@@ boots". In any event I would vote boots.

11:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would vote running shoes. Boots and heels are both impractical. Girls can't walk in them. They're an annoyance. I can't count the number of times I've been out with girls, and they complain all night about being unable to walk because of their choice of footwear. If you know you're going to be walking all day/night, why would you choose to wear something you can't reasonably walk in?


12:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Justin, I would agree if we are allowed write in votes. Never got the whole heels thing, and while I have alwys liked the whole boot short skirt thing, the ability to actually move around like a human being trumps the rest.

1:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I felt like Peter til I tried it. Shaved makes oral sex feel better for the woman.

1:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Shaved makes oral sex feel better for the woman."

I second that! The sensitivity is way increased with a good clean shave around the important areas (you can still leave a puff of hair elsewhere).

- Jane from TN

4:55 PM  
Anonymous UnderwearNinja said...

I LOVE girls in boots with chunky heels. I dislike almost all stilettos heels I've come in contact with.

Stiletto knives on the other hand, mmm... dirty.

5:22 PM  
Anonymous jens said...

My wife was having a discussion with our neighbor, and I overheard the neighbor saying she was going to a party and putting on her best CFM pumps.

I had no idea what "CFM" stood for, so I asked. The neighbor almost blushed (alright, so she didn't even come close to blushing, but she DID raise her eyebrows a bit) and said "Come fuck me".

5:39 PM  
Anonymous imogen said...

heh. A cup over D cup? unanimous? even the guys? wow. The A-cup girls I know would all rather be bigger & IMHO D-cup is beautiful & sexy.

Oh, and fk-me boots over stilettos (tho stilettos have advantages showing off your developed bike-rider's gastrocnemus muscle ;)

6:26 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

A cup over D cup? unanimous? even the guys?

All the way around the table, no hesitation on anyone's part. Two women, eight guys, declaring themselves for A cups. I saw it with my own eyes.

6:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Doggy style for more casual sex, some variant of face to face for more intimate sex. The more connection I'm desiring with the actual person, the more I want to see their face. THe more I'm off in my own fantasy, the more I want to see their ass.


12:44 AM  
Blogger Bob V said...

A cup over D cup?

Frankly, I don't think I could decide really without samples. And I'm not even kidding.

6:29 AM  
Blogger Erin said...

B cup over D cup, yes. A cup is just a little too little.

Justin: girls who complain too much about walking in tall shoes need to suck it up. I have walked around for hours in 3 or 4-inch heels, and while I was in pain at the end of the night, I had no problem keeping up.

2:01 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

Or shoes need to be functional, as well as sexy.

3:36 PM  
Blogger Dubin said...

Shoes can be sexy and painful, but one must not admit that one is in pain or else the fairy dust rubs off. Again, Justin is hanging out with lame wussy girls. Sorry, Justin.

6:30 PM  
Blogger amanda bee said...

I read a statistic in the Ecologist today that reports that 75% of women (I assume they mean British women, but they didn't say) admit to struggling to wear fashion shoes that don't fit properly so as to be seen to be up with the current style trends.

8:34 PM  
Anonymous yoyo said...

I really don't get the point of boots. they just look goofy. I like girls in low vamp flats. They're really all over the place when i was in paris with jeans or ugly skirts an d it was very nice. unfortunatly my french and the french-girls' english was neither good enough to be clever or flirt.

I wonder if this is some subconscous thing since i'm short, or if its a subconscious thing for other guys and i don't need to pull girls up to closer height to me. playing games of "my subconscious or yours" i should do more oftne.

""Shaved makes oral sex feel better for the woman."

I second that! The sensitivity is way increased with a good clean shave around the important areas (you can still leave a puff of hair elsewhere)."

I love shaved balls, not for any sex-related sensations, but they just feel really great for just sitting around on the couch.

1:15 AM  
Anonymous yoyo said...

oh, nad i admit just googled "fuck-me boots" on this shopping mall, but it was only for context. honestly.

oh and i'll admit that on my hypothetical list of "what to marry" the girl has a cup size smaller than i currently prefer. maybe that what your round table was on about.

1:18 AM  

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