html xmlns="" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> From the archives: Lipstick is not the answer

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Lipstick is not the answer

My sweet sister sent me this, and said I could post it.


Meggie is best when she’s just being Meggie. Lipstick and skirts is all just superficial stuff and would make her feel uncomfortable, and awkward, like she’s trying to be someone else. Obviously, you want to look good and you should put effort into that, and sometimes it’s fun to push the boundaries of how you feel comfortable dressing. But you’re already pretty, so that part is a slam dunk. If you try too hard and wear makeup & clothes that you’re not comfortable in those big blue grey eyes will just open wider and you’ll look like a deer in the headlights instead of an easy-going girl who’s out because she wants to have a fun time.

Is it possible to stop looking? Somehow I feel like looking = doomed because then every interaction is too heavy and overloaded and weird and both parties pick up on that and it tires everybody out.

I’d say just keep making yourself sort of open and available. Be friendly and playful and smart and kind and listen to what other people are saying without judging them. don’t make fun of them until you know they get your sense of humor. Also, don’t assume you’re smarter than somebody you meet right off the bat. Because you want them to surprise you.

Learn from your time at SLO… instead of not liking it there, try to appreciate the best parts of the place. I know it wasn’t up to your standards for diversity or “interesting” foods, but you could have learned to surf or body board or hiked or camped or rode horses or gone wine tasting or something. Just say to yourself, “well, I’m here now, might as well make the best of it and find a way to have fun”

If you like engineers then go where the engineers are. Take a class at Davis for passing the PE exam. I’d also take a cooking class, because you love to cook and you definitely want to hook up with a dude who’s taking a cooking class. And when you go to a party make sure you’re not setting yourself apart like you’re judging it or comparing it to other parties otherwise you’ll seem like you’re disdainful or superior.

Maybe go more places alone? Because when you’re already in the middle of a group of girls that might feel sort of unapproachable to some guys.

I don’t know. Just relax and keep having fun and doing things you like to do, because that’s attractive. Teetering around in high heels isn’t. I’d say use some hair product, though.


Blogger Megan said...

Affirmative kindness is back on from here on out. "Disc never lies" is still open to whatever you gotta say.

12:13 PM  
Blogger Jacqueline Mackie Paisley Passey said...

Wearing girly things is only uncomfortable and awkward at first, eventually you get used to (and even enjoy!) it.

12:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What is SLO?

And, why didn't you go camping? You were right there apparently!

I've never been comfortable wearing girly things. I've tried and tried, but it just never becomes comfortable for me.


12:18 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

San Luis Obispo.

12:18 PM  
Blogger Bob V said...

Lipstick is usually made out of pearl essence, which comes from fish scales and is therefore gross.

I can't complain about skirts though they are not required.

1:05 PM  
Anonymous jens said...

You mean I've been bitchy on the wrong thread????

Urrkkks. Sorry!

I don't wear girly things any more, but the pictures my mother took of me in them are pretty cute.

1:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe go more places alone? Because when you’re already in the middle of a group of girls that might feel sort of unapproachable to some guys.

Your sister has a point. Back in my dating days - okay, they were a number of years in the past but I highly doubt that too much has changed - a group of women clustered together at a club or party or whatnot could be quite intimidating, sort of like a fenced-off area with a "Trespassers will be shot" sign. And I was far from alone in thinking that way. Some men were better than others at breaking into these groups, but it's not as if men who lacked that knack were undesirable.

Now, going alone might not always be a good idea, depending on the location or event, but there's probably a happy medium to be found in most circumstances. For example, going with two or three reliable friends, who can be trusted to help you if things go wrong but won't create a Berlin Wall to scare off men.

Iron Rails & Iron Weights

1:36 PM  
Blogger Spungen said...

Bob, re the fish scales in lipstick, are you sure?

I knew about animal testing in makeup, but not animal products.

1:38 PM  
Blogger Spungen said...

I have had nothing but bad luck anytime I went anywhere alone where there happened to be men. Sure, men like women alone, just like hungry lions like wounded lone wildebeests lurching across the savannah.

What you need are a couple of good wingwomen or wingmen, like guys have. A few women are great wings; others need it explained; still others will deliberately sabotage your efforts under the guise of being helpful. Know the difference.

1:43 PM  
Blogger Jacqueline Mackie Paisley Passey said...

"I have had nothing but bad luck anytime I went anywhere alone where there happened to be men. Sure, men like women alone, just like hungry lions like wounded lone wildebeests lurching across the savannah."


1:46 PM  
Anonymous Quirkybook said...

Lipstick and heels may initially open doors for you that haven't opened before. But unless you're willing to stay committed to the lipstick-and-heels course for the long term, I don't really understand how it can help you *keep* a partner.

For the record, I'm not a girly girl, and I managed to snag myself a man who I think is a keeper. I don't make the mistake of thinking that it was anything specific I did, though. I'm with my honey for the same reason that so many smart, funny, beautiful men and women I know are still looking for love -- pure, blind luck.

2:09 PM  
Blogger thor said...

As a single guy who tends to date highly educated, funny, ambitious women, kudos to your sister. She nails it, more so than any other comment I've read. And I like this: "don’t assume you’re smarter than somebody you meet right off the bat." True, because the person could be shy, private, not having a good day. I also agree with the commenters concerning wing men or wing women and would say a good wingman is highly advantageous. One or two who aren't intimidating, can initiate and facilitate conversation, and knows when to step away. Going alone to places: not against this, but don't go expecting to meet someone. Instead, you're going because you're interested in whatever the event/place is. I'd also agree with your sis -- forget the girly clothes and dress however you want. Guys -- or rather guys like me and my friends (and we are state gov't employees, journalists, grad students, engineers, profs, math and science people) are looking for: kindness, sense of humor, non-boringness, intelligence, comfort with self, ambition, breasts and butt, but not pretty dresses and lipstick (though lingerie is nice). Don't get me wrong -- dress to accentuate your boobs if your comfortable with that 'cause it sure won't hurt, but don't do it if it makes you uncomfortable. Cooking class is a great idea, as are art/pottery classes, or any other classes you're interested in. And don't limit yourself to engineers or whatever! If I did that I wouldn't be involved with the woman I am now with, and that'd be a shame 'cause we're a great fit. Same may be true for you and there may actually be a lawyer or english major out there who knows nothing of numbers/stats, or engineering, and doesn't get turned on by the roman aqueducts (hard to fathom, I know), yet he'd be a good match for you because of other things. And again, a nod to your sis -- keep it light and stop looking. And yes, your sister is again correct (who is this woman?!?) -- stay relaxed and have fun, and just put yourself out there. And tell your friends to start setting you up with their friends and aquaintances. It's all a numbers game, Megan, and you need to increase the odds. Anyway, I think you got it, so just relax 'cause you're great (since you're imaginary to me, I am basing this judgement on your writings). It'll happen for you. No doubt.

2:52 PM  
Blogger Bob V said...

From wikipedia:
The ingredients of modern cosmetics may also surprise those who use them: lipstick, for example, can contain the shimmery substance of fish scales called "pearl essence." Pearl essence is obtained primarily from herring and is one of many by-products of large-scale commercial fish processing. This is rarely used due to the high cost and extreme fragility of this type of colorant. The primary source of the pearlescent shine used in lipsticks, eyeshadows, and blush is mica, a natural, mined mineral.

Ok, so it's not in all lipstick. I'm still against most forms of makeup and make a conscious effort to ignore its presence. I think we'd be better off if all women agreed to stop wearing makeup. No one's rank order would change and you guys would save a lot of time and money.

3:15 PM  
Anonymous jens said...

"No one's rank order would change"? That assumes that none of the girls are unusually skilled (or unusually clumsy) at makeup application.

In high school one of the girls (Nicci) prided herself on her makeup skills. Her sister was a professional model, and apparently taught her everything she knew. She lorded it over the other girls with her knowledge. Until...

We were on a field trip to Puerto Rico, and riding on a public bus. A man sat next to Nicci and propositioned her. To her horrified response he apologized: "Geez, sorry, babe, I thought you was a hooker!"

This was dreadfully embarassing to Nicci, but made the other girls very happy indeed.

4:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There's something else to consider about lipstick, besides the fish-scale issue. Some anthropologists* claim that women (subconsciously) redden the lips on their faces so these lips more closely resemble, er, other lips.

* = e.g. Desmond Morris, in the groundbreaking work The Naked Ape.

Iron Rails & Iron Weights

5:05 PM  
Blogger Sweet Coalminer said...

The face is genius

8:24 PM  
Anonymous redfoxtailshrub said...

Well said, Sister of Megan.

4:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yo Meg, holla at a brotha -

I'd like to come and visit you in Sacramento and help test the lipstick's not the answer hypothesis.

8:00 PM  

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