html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> From the archives: INTERNETS!!! WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?!?!!!!

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

INTERNETS!!! WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?!?!!!!

To my readers:
If you knew about Randall Munroe and you didn’t tell me, you are fired and we are not friends and I am talking about someone else when I say my readers are gorgeous and smart and the best ever. He is PERFECT. A physicist! And bitingly funny! And so smart and dreamy and PERFECT! He understands me like no one ever has. We were meant to be all along and YOU DIDN’T TELL ME!

Worse than that, now he’s all talking about some date with some girl and you KNOW I don’t poach, so I’ll just have to wait around until he hears the voice inside his soul, telling him that his destiny waits for him in Sacramento, in the shape of some girl WHOSE NAME HE ALREADY KNOWS! Seriously readers! Why the hell haven’t you been arranging this? No one has dropped him a discreet email, mentioning a pretty engineer in Sacramento who covets hot physicists? Come ON! I am so disappointed in you. Mark gets some partial credit, but I can’t believe I had to find Randy all by myself. I hate you.


Dear Randy,

Hi. I’m sorry you had to hear all that. It might give you the wrong impression of me. When we finally meet, you will never hear unpleasant shouting in all caps. Instead you will hear gentle murmurs in your ear and low wicked chuckles and the heartfelt words “I do.”

I know this is sudden for you, but it is obviously our density. You’re the one, with your math jokes, some of which I get and some of which I need a big strong man like you to explain to me as we rest, naked and sweaty after soul-shaking sex. You’re the one, with your ‘fucked your Mom’ jokes, which will not scandalize me and which I will escalate when you do not expect it. You’re the one, with your tender Valentines that will make me swoon and want to make out forever. Oh Randy, you’re the one.

I don’t know how to convince you of what my heart tells me so strongly, that we were meant for each other. Words aren’t enough and I can’t draw the way you do. I can only say this, and mean it to the depths of my being:
I would stand between you and a velociraptor to give you a few extra seconds of life.

Yours - passionately, helplessly, eternally,

Megan


P.S. I would know it was Pressure Drop Under Pressure not Vanilla Ice.

35 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I know this is sudden for you, but it is obviously our density."

rho = randy / megan ?

--mith

1:06 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1:10 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

1 / rho in the mornings.

1:16 PM  
Anonymous sasha said...

It's actually Under Pressure (David Bowie and Queen), not Pressure Drop (Toots and the Maytals, or somebody).

1:22 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

Hah. That funny, 'cause I like both songs. I think I have mentioned Pressure Drop before. I'll just call it whatever he does, because he is PERFECT.

1:24 PM  
Blogger LizardBreath said...

Um, should I check and see if you know about Dinosaur Comics?

3:17 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

I've seen it a couple times, but it doesn't speak to me the way Randy does.

3:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know, he doesn't seem like your type. There's a lot of computer humor in there. And popular culture references, like the Care Bear Stare. You don't even own a tv, how are you going to know about that?

I think you can find someone who's a better match.

Justin

3:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dunno if he's for you, but this one (with the angular momentum) shows he's a real romantic.

http://xkcd.com/c162.html

-K.

3:58 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

Justin, hon, all kidding aside. I don't know thing one about him, but his humor is exactly the kind that makes me laugh first and then feel tingly inside. I've told you guys from the beginning: nice, funny, smart. Other traits don't have to align.

Also, sometimes, my kind friends explain computers and popular culture to me. Sometimes, my kind friends ENTIRELY LET ME DOWN. Fired.

3:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

this for example. A C++ style comment, in the standard Visual Studio green.

Visual Studio's standard color scheme sucks, btw, too few colors, too many things the same colors. Blah.

Or this. You don't know anything about linux or unix, right?

Justin

3:58 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

-K:

He is FOR ME!!!! Of course I loved that one. Of course I looked at all of them. It has been three hours and fifteen minutes, and he hasn't written. I am pining into nothingness.

4:01 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

Justin:
He can explain them to me in person, as foreplay. Why do you think I dated the computational fluid mechanics grad student for as long as I did?

4:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know, it's not a lot of fun when you keep having to explain things to people.

You should take the initiative. Set your new laptop up to dual boot linux. Start learning C/C++. Buy a television, and watch it every night while you play with your new operating system and programming languages.

Justin

4:13 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

If I do that, will he love me?

4:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Megan:

You know, I think you're right. The girl who drew this:
http://fromthearchives.blogspot.com/2006/09/chris-also-wrote-one-of-my-favorite.html

may sympathize with the guy who drew this comic:

http://xkcd.com/c128.html

P.S. Thanks for wasting at least an hour of my time. And I have at least 127 more to go. _k.

4:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can call him and ask for you if you'd like. Or, maybe I could pass him a note in English class, what's his schedule for this semester?

Anyway, new skills, new things to talk about with everyone. You live in a state full of computer people, you should learn to speak their language.

Justin

4:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

this is my favorite.

5:30 PM  
Blogger LizardBreath said...

Nah, this one. I have just enough memory of my geek past to make it funny.

5:40 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

The two of you can STEP OFF. I saw him first.

They aren't nice girls, Randy. Come over here and I'll tell you what I heard about them. Closer. I'll whisper in your ear.

5:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think he's really more Capella's type. She's the physics major, right? At UIUC? They'd make a cute couple.

Justin

5:54 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

That's the kind of talk that gets comments deleted, Justin.

She's an alcoholic, Randy. Super sweet girl, but the guilt from killing her first three husbands drove her to drink.

6:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think he's really more Capella's type.

Nope. I have a very specific type, and assure you he is not it.

8:16 PM  
Anonymous kablamo said...

oh hey did you see his picture? he is at the bottom right of the page:

http://xkcd.com/store/shirtpics/me_mirror_426.jpg

9:07 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

I didn't. He's very handsome, but he looks younger than the med students. Our love knows no barriers, of course, but how old is he?

9:14 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

Jesus you guys. He's a baby. You have to stop me when I'm perving on children.

On the plus side, we're both Rat Year.

9:32 PM  
Blogger Lo said...

Ohh, I've been a big fan of his for months. The first time I accessed xkcd, I spent the rest of that evening going through his complete archive.

(Maybe I didn't tell you because I want him ALL FOR MYSELF! I have to admit it, I'm way more than smitten with this guy. The math and programming jokes? Love 'em.)

And just in case you missed the other pop culture reference from the Vanilla Ice/Under Pressure comic, the scene he's drawn is a parody of "Say Anything," a John Cusack cult fave.

10:00 PM  
Blogger Lo said...

Also, where did you read that he is dating "some girl"?

10:01 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

Lo:
I did get the part about Say Anything.

Um, there was something about some Andrea girl from last summer in the forums. I don't know if that is current.

10:15 PM  
Blogger Mark said...

I am so very ashamed of myself. I had the power in my hands and blew it. As Rock-biter said, "These hands. They look like big strong hands, don't they?"

9:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmm, "very handsome", 'ey? He looks basically like a gentile version of me, so you must've thought I was smokin'. Admit it. G'wan. I bet the impure thoughts you've had about me aren't even a countable set.

9:05 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

Dave:
During the day I respect your startling intellect and sheer brainpower too much to reduce you to just another fine piece of ass. Nighttime is a different story.

9:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh yes, rapturous nights,
when wrongs become rights;
when contacts replace glasses
and nerds can be asses.

10:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Honestly, I assumed you already knew. I do feel a bit guilty about assuming, but maybe a bit more so for not even knowing he was too young.

How can you tell his age? I can't.

12:42 AM  
Blogger Megan said...

I looked it up on the Internets. His wikipedia entry says he was born in '84.

11:29 AM  

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