Still no compliments.
I also want to say that this controversy has made me even more pleased with my affirmative kindness comment policy. I don’t police it as thoroughly as I should, allowing some of y’all to be merely neutral toward your co-commenters. But I am proud that I’ve scolded friends for bashing women here, even unpopular women, even people who are mean to me. It isn’t OK.
People have emailed to say that the affirmative kindness atmosphere is what draws them to my site. I hope so. That would make it worth the trouble. If it fosters an interesting comment section, that makes it worth way more than my enforcement effort. Lovingkindness isn’t a cop-out and it doesn’t have to be saccharine. When the target is ripe and the temptation is to pile on, respect and compassion require real effort.
The part I’m struggling with now are old comments by CharleyCarp and Amanda, where they objected to my excepting myself from affirmative kindness, because allowing even one woman to be bashed on my site is one too many. I think they are right. I’d excepted myself because I have nearly all the voice here and all the power. And because I think people reveal more in insults than in compliments. But I don’t know if those are good enough reasons.
So friends, an announcement, for me and for Kathy Sierra. Affirmative kindness applies to everyone here, you and me and all the friends who come by. Comment here in a respectful and friendly tone, on all occasions. That doesn’t mean no disagreement or critiquing what I write. It doesn’t mean no funny digressions. It means writing as you would to your beloved friends, friends who may disagree with you. Practice here for a while, and then take it with you as you go out into the internets.
People have emailed to say that the affirmative kindness atmosphere is what draws them to my site. I hope so. That would make it worth the trouble. If it fosters an interesting comment section, that makes it worth way more than my enforcement effort. Lovingkindness isn’t a cop-out and it doesn’t have to be saccharine. When the target is ripe and the temptation is to pile on, respect and compassion require real effort.
The part I’m struggling with now are old comments by CharleyCarp and Amanda, where they objected to my excepting myself from affirmative kindness, because allowing even one woman to be bashed on my site is one too many. I think they are right. I’d excepted myself because I have nearly all the voice here and all the power. And because I think people reveal more in insults than in compliments. But I don’t know if those are good enough reasons.
So friends, an announcement, for me and for Kathy Sierra. Affirmative kindness applies to everyone here, you and me and all the friends who come by. Comment here in a respectful and friendly tone, on all occasions. That doesn’t mean no disagreement or critiquing what I write. It doesn’t mean no funny digressions. It means writing as you would to your beloved friends, friends who may disagree with you. Practice here for a while, and then take it with you as you go out into the internets.
posted by Megan at 5:30 PM
4 Comments:
I'm not sure what affirmative kindness means, but I had lunch today with CharleyCarp and he is a pleasant fellow.
Oh. Are you a regular who also happens to know Mr. Carp, or did you appear because I said his name?
Affirmative kindness means, like, being nicer than neutral. More than 'not rude'. Spirit of the Game.
I've been around a few times lately, but not in a commenting way, and not for any reason related to Herr Carp. So that was just an odd coincidence.
I like the affirmative kindness concept. I hang around on-line with a bunch of lawyers who can stand to learn a thing or two about that.
Part of me now wishes I had had such a policy. Or some policy.
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