html xmlns="" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> From the archives: Really very simple.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Really very simple.

I just read Neil Strauss’ The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists, about a subculture of men working on a mechanistic routine that guarantees sexual access to women. The book made me sad. I didn’t like the whole idea that men and women want different things. We are all just people inside. Except that, as women, we are so pretty, and smell so good, and we know secret things that men don't, and we roll the dice before we out.

You know about the dice, right? When women go out, we gather at someone’s house before, for that first gin and tonic, and to trade tight shirts and put on lipstick and brush each other’s hair, and to roll the dice. The dice tell us what to do that night. Whatever comes up for each girl, that decides her evening. Everything is on there: half-assed drunken blowjob, turning guys down nice, relentless cockteasing, laughing in guys’ faces, giving him the wrong number, taking some guy home for a spectacular fuck, deciding to just be friends, making out in the club, puking in the guy’s car, having a great conversation, fucking the asshole bartender instead….

When two girls get the same roll, then we flip a coin. Heads, we bring a guy home for an all-night threesome and pancake breakfast. Tails, we just look at him with disgust until we both turn away, whisper something and laugh.

That’s all there is to it. Every night we roll the dice again, to keep it different and fun.


Blogger Ananda said...

All the true geeks want to know: how many sides does the die have?

6:53 PM  
Anonymous Matt said...

Mmm... all-night pancake breakfast... hottttt.

7:01 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

There's a counterpart subculture to that amongst women as well: golddiggers. I was truly saddened and disappointed one time when I heard a female friend of mine make the joke while we were in college, "I'm only here to get my M-R-S degree."

11:16 PM  
Blogger Continental Drifts said...

Is it a fair die?

7:11 AM  
Blogger jdm said...

It's certainly a relief to know it's all beyond my control.

9:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To quote a not-so-great comedian: I don't care who you are, that's funny.

11:02 AM  
Blogger TS said...

Ah, but did you know that guys have thier own dice - only every side says the same thing - "Find a chick to have sex with."

11:08 AM  
Anonymous peefer said...

The Dice ... this is an earth-shattering revelation! This is BIG.

Presently, I'm waiting for a plague of locusts. Or at least fire and brimstone. You've unleashed something dangerous, Pandora.

(I've been enjoying From The Archives this last week. Hello.)

11:12 AM  
Blogger Dennis said...

I am SUCH a bad person. After reading your post, I used Google to find this:
Come on! The world will be a better place with MORE PANCAKES!

12:27 PM  
Anonymous Tumbleweed said...

Could I get waffles instead of pancakes? I don't like pancakes.

11:10 PM  

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