Anthony, you're so strong and handsome. Poke this beehive!

It might help my cause with the wives of my Ultimate teammates if I weren’t telling their husbands to be less whipped and more of a man. They’re forever “checking in” and “asking the wife” and I say that’s just weak. I was coaching Anthony, for example. At a Saturday morning pick-up, I invited him and his wife to a dinner party that evening.

Anthony: “I’ll ask Jess when I get home and we’ll call you.”

Megan: “You’ll decide if you want to go and let Jess know your decision when you get home.”

Anthony: “That’s funny. No seriously, I think we can make it, but I’ll ask Jess.”

Megan: “You’ll tell Jess.”

Anthony: “Have you seen my wife? Beautiful, terrifying?”

Megan: “Yeah. Poised, long braid, smart. Makes great desserts…”

Anthony: “Could level forests with a glance...”

Megan: “Who’s the man here? Here, we’ll practice. Say after me, ‘Honey, we’re going to Megan’s tonight.’ ”

Anthony: “Honey, Megan invited us to dinner tonight.”

Megan: “Honey, I’ve decided. Dinner at Megan’s tonight.”

Anthony: “Honey, want to have dinner at Megan’s tonight? It’ll be all Ultimate players, but they promise not to talk about it.”

Megan: “Listen, wife. Make something to bring to dinner at Megan’s tonight.”

Anthony couldn’t even say that. He was laughing too hard at the very idea. I kept a straight face the whole time but inside I was laughing too. I was hoping I could get Anthony to go home and be forceful. Just the idea is funny. I would never fuck with Jessica. She’s awesome, entirely gracious, but if she turned to me with an angry voice or stern look, I would run away very fast. She helped him out that day. She called me to rsvp; said that Anthony informed her they were going to dinner at my house. No doubt.