Perhaps sleep will ease my pain.

I have racked my brain, but no amount of combing through my past reveals a sin so great that I should be punished the way I am. I’ve looked for cruelties of deed or omission, times when my actions were deliberately hurtful, but I can find nothing on the scale that warrants the pain I feel tonight. In a past life did I wallow in all of the seven deadly sins? Break all Ten Commandments? Did I burn puppies alive? Kick kittens and bunnies? Was I reincarnated as a conscious being only that I might understand and suffer through every iota of this unending agony?

We came in second at Pub Quiz tonight. We tied for third and the sweet, sweet porn, but won the tie-breaker. Dave and I have been trying to win the porn for two years now. We’ve come in fourth several times. We have come in second before. We once won third place, but the quizmaster counted our score wrong! Tonight, only our accurate guess of the first year that a weather report appeared in the newspaper stood between us and twenty-four hours of barely legal teens. Two years of striving, and still karma holds our prize out of reach. I don’t know how much longer I can stand to work towards our long-denied dream. Tonight I sob myself to sleep.