Don't be like that.

That was the most boring comment section ever. I understand that pretty, stacked engineers going un-laid is such a shocking aberration, such an unnatural violation of the laws of the universe that it requires all of your attention to analyze and fix it. But you guys took a trivial exchange, one that you didn't see and can't have an opinion on, and made up rules about how men and women are. Stupid rules! Rules that go against what I believe of how people, both men and women, should interact. Rules that would require me to act in ways that would be forced and unnatural, and not present my favorite self. Rules that would backfire, because if they worked, they would snag someone who likes a different me.

Here is what I want, and who I want to be:

I would like to meet someone, and have a friendly, easy conversation with a natural extension. He asks me out, or I ask him out, or we segue into another activity. It would be delicious if he were funny and caught my references.

I want us to both show interest the whole time. You know what is not shameful? It is not shameful to have a crush on someone. For one thing, you can't help it and we are not ashamed of the things we can't help. For another thing, it is a gift, a small kindness and flattery when someone has a crush on you. Everyone here, listen up. When you have a crush on someone available to you, gently present it to them as a gift for their benefit. When someone has a crush on you, be definite about whether you want to pursue it, and be grateful either way that someone thought you were amazing and beautiful that day. The last thing I want is to be coy about my feelings.

In a perfect world, that would move easily into spending increasing amounts of time together, in that intoxicating stage where everything your new honey does is mesmerizing; all you want to do is find out how he or she came to be this person who says and does everything right. The world is kind to couples in that stage, because when you walk down streets holding hands, elm leaves fall on pumpkins just so that you can remember later how beautiful it was to see that together. You can walk into parties together, secretly proud to arrive with such a handsome person. There are impulsive kisses on the sides of his neck, just because it fits so perfectly, because you like the smell of him, because if you press up against the side of his body, there will be an answering pressure that proves he is real.

Then I want that to settle down, into a routine of coming home to a lit house, and evenings where you don't need plans because you will both be home. I could make soup. I even have a fireplace. And then a rising trust that you would both do what you had to to make this last.



Jesus, you fuckers. You Writing that made me cry. But the important part is that NONE of that is about gender or strategy. If I am constantly assessing and planning and thinking poorly of men (which I don't) while I am with this imaginary person, I am not listening and watching and smiling and noticing all the things he is. Fuck that shit. All of you! There are so many amazing, marvelous people out there, and so many of them want that same smooth path. Be where they are and be present with them and be willing to give yourself to someone who loved your little gift of a crush and would like even more, please. That is what I want of me. That is what I want for you.


(Also - Marginal Revolution and Unfogged? You're getting predictable with the automatic linking to the "Megan trying to date" posts. Are you really still getting mileage out of that?)