html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> From the archives: Self-inflicted.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Self-inflicted.

Margie: My idiot friend is leaving his wife for no reason.
Megan: Why is he leaving his wife for no reason?
Margie: The reason my idiot friend is leaving his wife for no reason is that his consulting firm hired some hot twenty-year-old engineering intern this summer. I guess they talked a lot and he thought they got close, and over the summer he divested himself of his truck and his boat and then told his wife he didn’t want to be married anymore.
Megan: You serious?
Margie: Yeah. What fucking alternate reality is he living in? He’s a thirty-six year old engineer, hasn’t been single in fifteen years, middling attractive, getting a paunch going. He’s sleeping on his brother’s couch. Who’s gonna fuck him now? He left a pretty hot wife, fantastic tits.
Megan: He’s not with the hot twenty-year-old intern?
Margie: Nope. After telling his wife he wanted out, he went on a trip, to get his thoughts together. That trip happened to take him near where she went to college, but when he got there, her friends were all “Why is the old guy here?” and she was all “I don’t know.”.
Megan:
Margie: Yep. The wife knew about the hot engineering intern and checked out her MySpace page. The husband had friended her. Anyway, the wife wrote to the hot intern.
Megan: No shit. She did?
Margie: Yep. They ended up talking and the wife says she’s felt much better since that conversation.
Megan: That’s awesome.
Margie: Idiot.

He is on his way to a world of hurt. He spent a summer thinking this over and somehow only heard one story the whole time. Danger.

42 Comments:

Anonymous Mitch said...

Clearly, if he wanted the hot intern to get into him, he should have stayed married and inaccessible. Now that he's actually available, he's boring! Dumbass.

1:45 PM  
Blogger Spungen said...

Wow. This is as satisfying a story as one could hope for if one reeeally wanted to see someone take the fall for the world's aggregate of sleazy guydom.

Most guys would have merely offered to leave their wives, thus preserving a way back if she refused them. Or just tried to get away with a little fling. So I guess you could say in his defense, at least he was sorta honest ... oh, he has no defense. Dogpile away.

Come on, though, you saw this happen a couple times in law school, didn't you? Older attached guy plays "friend" to younger woman, listens to her problems, and thinks this means he's got a new young soulmate. Havoc ensues. But we'll tell anyone our problems! Even strangers on the Internet!

2:38 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

You know, even though we went to the same physical law school, I am increasingly convinced we didn't go to the same place at all. I think that has to do with my willful ignorance about other people's poor behavior and determination to think the best of people until I can't anymore.

I even feel bad thinking of the rough patch this guy is about to live through.

2:43 PM  
Blogger Spungen said...

He’s a thirty-six year old engineer, hasn’t been single in fifteen years

Wow, so he's been attached since 21? Sounds like an early mid-life crisis to me. Guys start to imagine that if only they hadn't gotten saddled young, they would have had all these great experiences with hot young women, and feel they've been deprived and better do something NOW BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!

I do feel a bit bad for him, because it seems like such a naive thing to do. Like he's emotionally still a 15-year-old.

I think that has to do with my willful ignorance about other people's poor behavior and determination to think the best of people until I can't anymore.

Nah, I was the same way, that was what got me into trouble. Just better luck, is all. Plus being interdisciplinary, and part of the envirolaw set, you probably had a bit different social dynamic.

2:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I see intimations of the wife being controlling, suspicious, and in all ways not somebody that most men would want to be married to.

In particular, her husband gets a hot intern and she reacts by going to check out the intern's MySpace page? That sort of snooping is not Kosher in my book.

And then she e-mails the intern? How proactive of her.

I also find it disturbing that the best thing that Margie can say about the wife is that she is hot and has nice tits. Those things may attract men for a bit, but they are hardly sufficient go keep them devoted to a wife or girlfriend. Pretty faces and hot bodies are much more plentiful than pretty souls.

2:51 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

Dude, she checked out the intern after the husband told her he was leaving the marriage for the intern.

One of the things I liked best about this story is that the two women didn't turn on each other, since, in fact, neither had done something wrong.

3:01 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

Just better luck, is all. Plus being interdisciplinary, and part of the envirolaw set, you probably had a bit different social dynamic.

You know, I only hung out with a handful of friends in law school, and am still close with most of them. I didn't feel very like most of the people there, envirolaw or not. However, I felt even less like the ecologists in my other program, and only talk to one guy from that school. Sorry you fell in with an unpleasant crowd.

3:12 PM  
Blogger Spungen said...

I also find it disturbing that the best thing that Margie can say about the wife is that she is hot and has nice tits.

OK, who's the contrarian?;)

It's important bc it forecloses the possibility that he's with some sexless hag who let herself go, and thus that he would be unusually vulnerable to sexual charms.

The cooperation of the two women is so satisfying that I'd almost think this were an "urban myth" did you not know someone with actual knowlege of it. The similar situations I've seen, the SO screams for the blood of the object of affection, regardless of whether she had any actual interest in the husband/boyfriend. And sometimes (not always) the "object" will kind of enjoy goading her.

3:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Agree with anon, 2:51 (if this story is real, that is).
"a hot wife with ...". Wow. Margie's been reading too much Jackie Collins methinks. If that's how "real" people talk about the wives of their "idiot" friends then I think I'm going to be sick.

3:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmmm, I'm sure he had his reasons.

I would doubt that many relationships really end simply because the grass looks greener (younger) over there. I understand why the story is so satisfying as told, and I share in laughing at the guy's shortsightedness. However, he may well end up much happier after his rough patch than he could have been had he stayed. With any luck he'll grow up, shape up, and find a woman who's a good match.

Or maybe I'm just projecting...

Cheers,
Tim.

3:39 PM  
Anonymous yoyo said...

This is probably a great thing for the guy, to help him get better perspective on life.

3:40 PM  
Blogger a little mouser said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

3:44 PM  
Anonymous justus said...

I agree with Tim. Most likely all he has done is leave a marriage he was relatively unhappy in anyway. The vast majority of humanity is very good at lying to themselves about whether they are happy or not until a radical disruption of the status quo opens their eyes.

As a side note: in my experience most guys place absolutely zero faith in other women's claims about who is and is not "hot". Very rarely have any of my straight male friends described their girlfriends as hot. For some reason most of my lesbian friends do this all the time. This places me in the uncomfortable position of having to answer "Isn't my girlfriend hot?" questions when I go out with them and their new girlfriends for the first time.

3:48 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

Justus, the answer to "Isn't my new girlfriend hot?" is always "You totally scored."

3:59 PM  
Anonymous YK said...

It really does sound like the guy was having a mid-life crisis. The way he did it--selling the truck and boat and leaving his wife *before* going to see the hot intern--doesn't sound like he was just looking for a fling. Maybe he wanted out of his marriage, and thought (wrongly) that this was his chance.

4:06 PM  
Blogger Spungen said...

And what's a 36-year-old guy doing on MySpace anyway? Just saying ...

4:07 PM  
Blogger Spungen said...

The PC thing to say is that the relationship must have been bad anyway. Maybe it's true. But sometimes people just expect too much from a relationship. Hooking up with someone new (or thinking you will) can bring quick but temporary relief from many deeper difficulties which one otherwise would have to solve or live with.

4:13 PM  
Anonymous justus said...

Justus, the answer to "Isn't my new girlfriend hot?" is always "You totally scored."

Apparently you've never been to the post-breakup counselling which all too frequently features claims of "she wasn't all that anyway" which is followed up with remembrances of my exact words which becomes, "You said I totally scored. Are you saying you wouldn't fuck her but that she was the best I could do?"

That's why I usually answer with some variant of "It doesn't matter what I think...."

At this point, though, my friends have mostly learned not to ask me questions they don't want to hear my answer to. Which has the nice benefit of allowing to actually engage in discussion instead of exchanging meaningless platitudes.

4:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So let's see her picture...
Forgive me for being an a**.

4:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is a sad story with a sad ending. The revenge part is funny, though.

What is most sad is the possible self-delusion that "they got close" and "(hot intern) will like me now that I am single". We all get fooled sometimes; what's worse is acting on those impulses.

4:40 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

This is a sad story that I hope will have a good ending for everyone, in time. I don't see any "revenge part". I don't think the (former) wife and the intern talked to take revenge on him. I think they talked because the former wife needed to make sense of the situation. Far as I know, no one has been spiteful.

But, I am of the opinion that he convinced himself everything would go the way he wanted, and ended up 0 for 2.

Justus:
Friends have tried to reassure me post-break-up that he wasn't all that and I never like that. I did think he was all that for a while, and don't like questioning my former judgment. I like "man, he made a mistake letting go a spectacular person like your own sweet self", much better than "phew, what a moron he is.".

4:48 PM  
Anonymous jens said...

> And what's a 36-year-old guy doing
> on MySpace anyway? Just saying ...

What is that supposed to mean? I'm on MySpace
, and I'm more than 10 years older than that. So are my mom and dad, and they are (surprise) even older than I am. So are both my sisters and my older younger brother (and my youngest brother only got rid of his page because of a painful breakup).

On the other hand, so are my two sons, three nephews, and three nieces, and they are a bit younger than I am.

An odd case, by the way. Most men don't want to leave their wives, and most wives (at least in my experience, and the current one is my only, so take it with a grain of salt) are pretty grateful that the young hotties distract their husbands long enough for them to get some quilting done.

5:41 PM  
Blogger Mark said...

"I even feel bad thinking of the rough patch this guy is about to live through."

Megan
Justice: 5
Mercy: 9

Mark
Justice: 10
Mercy: 3

6:14 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

Did I lose that mercy point because I still stare down the anti-Semitic engineer eight months later?

6:29 PM  
Blogger Spungen said...

Sorry, Jens. I do think of Myspace as for young people, but come to think of it lots of family people are on it too. It seems unusual for a childless 30-something though, doesn't it?

7:21 PM  
Blogger Mark said...

Did I lose that mercy point because I still stare down the anti-Semitic engineer eight months later?

No, no, no. That's how you recently picked up an extra "awesome" point.

7:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Midlife crisis? Not likely. No man who's having a midlife crisis ever sells a boat.


Peter
Iron Rails & Iron Weights

8:15 PM  
Blogger Spungen said...

Ha ha. Maybe he wanted to upgrade from the family sailboat to a powerboat.

You know what I bet happened with the intern? He tried to broach the subject of his feelings with her when she was doing the internship. Not wanting to incur the wrath of someone in a position of power over her, or perhaps just wanting to let him down easy, she gave him an excuse: She said that, gee, he was a really great guy but gosh, she just couldn't even think about a married man that way. Maybe also said something about not hooking up with people she worked with.

She thought that was the end of it. But in his fantasy world, that meant once he got rid of those obstacles, she'd be with him. Hence the trip to her college. Didn't work out the way he planned.

10:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A lot depends on whether they have kids. If they do, it's flat out sad. If they don't, then maybe it will turn out sad, maybe turn out for the best over the long run. Too soon to tell how sad it is.

But that's a man talking. For a woman, the pleasure of seeing a case where the guy abandons his faithful wife for the younger woman and then is *totally rejected by the younger woman, who becomes friends with the wife!*, is going to totally trump any other considerations.

Marcus the multi-faceted sparking diamond

11:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

For a woman, the pleasure of seeing a case where the guy abandons his faithful wife for the younger woman and then is *totally rejected by the younger woman, who becomes friends with the wife!*, is going to totally trump any other considerations.

It's far from certain that the wife and the intern became friends. They talked for a while about the man, but that's not quite the same thing. Somehow I don't see much basis for any friendship.

Peter
Iron Rails & Iron Weights

6:40 AM  
Blogger amanda bee said...

I can't believe that all of you are buying into this "he gave up a wife, which he must have, for naught, what a fool" line.

What if, hypothetically, he got to the college campus, realized he was totally insane, took a close look at his life and realized a lot of other things and decided that he does need to leave a relationship that hasn't brought either of them any joy in a long time.

What if, after a few months on his brother's couch, he gets on with his life as a single man and that works for him?

What if he is mortified by how he acted but grateful that he realized that he and his wife haven't been in love in a long time and the marriage was making them miserable and they were sticking to it for all the wrong reasons.

It is as though he got his comeuppance for chasing a younger woman, which I totally don't buy.

Are there no fates worse than being single for the rest of your life? Maybe he'll finally have time to do something about that paunch. (And, PS, since when did a bit of a paunch sentence you to a life of celibacy?)

7:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

wait, wait, I've got it.

She's actually his daughter, but neither of them know. Rejected on all sides, he goes on a bender of epic proportions. After he picks himself up, he decides to turn his life around (cue Rocky music as he hits the gym). But then at the gym, he has an epiphany: the reason he was miserable is that he's actually gay! Or not! But he's having fun. Suspiciously well dressed now, and with that paunch replaced my a ripped figure --- but there is foreboding music in the background.

The wife decides she wants him back. The girl decides she missed her chance. They happen upon each other before finding him. Each tries to outdo the other with an elaborate trap!

He, unsuspecting, triggers the whole mess. The wife is killed by a cunning poison. He confronts the girlfriend. While they argue, his new young lover comes upon them and strikes him down dead with a knife. He leaves the girl in her misery. In the middle of a soliloquy on their lost opportunity, she discovers his tattoo -- the sign by which she knows her father.

Distraught, she kills herself. The young gay guy throws himself in the river out of remorse.

that's the ticket.

s.

7:57 AM  
Blogger Megan said...

s. understands. I told you they're looking at a world of hurt.

8:05 AM  
Blogger jens said...

s...Shakespeare, right? Hot damn, I thought you were out of business ages ago! Looking forward to your next play!

spungen....no actual offense taken, just found the attitude amusing. No doubt the whippersnappers outnumber us geezers (especially in the Betty Page groups), but we still represent.

9:37 AM  
Blogger NL said...

if only they hadn't gotten saddled young, they would have had all these great experiences with hot young women

This is actually kind of true.

10:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm with Amanda. Surprisingly, even for a man, there's more to a happy relationship than having a hot wife.

I doubt he left a happy relationship to chase someone else. Thing were likely broken between him and his wife already.

Justin

11:05 AM  
Anonymous ananda said...

Unrelated to this epic drama, I finally recalled the name of the boardgame about changing river flows:
http://www.boardgamegeek.com/game/9408

11:58 AM  
Blogger Spungen said...

In closing: Has anyone else picked up on how the 20-year-old intern was about the same age he was (21) when he entered the relationship with the wife? Hmmm? It's like he thought he had unfinished business at that age and wanted to go back. Too bad, he doesn't get to. None of us do.

I can't believe that all of you are buying into this "he gave up a wife, which he must have, for naught, what a fool" line. ... It is as though he got his comeuppance for chasing a younger woman, which I totally don't buy.

Amanda Bee, I agree that a man would probably not leave a decent relationship just for the sexual thrill of a younger partner. But for a certain type of man, an attractive young woman is more than just hot -- she is a validation of who they are.

And I don't mean guys like Donald Trump. I mean guys who weren't popular with women when they were young, and never got over it. Sometimes these guys tend to get attached early -- take the first woman who wants them, so to speak. Then, they resent her later.

The ridiculous difference in lifestyle and age makes me suspicious. It's not like he fell for his 26-year-old secretary, for instance.

4:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I actually hope they really had problems as opposed to this being a case of throwing away something good because of being confused for a few months. Having been married for awhile now, I think every marriage goes through enough up and down periods (hopefully not just mine) where it is possible you could do something stupid that really regret later. And I think Spungen was exactly right that sometimes, especially if you were not very succesful earlier and hit a stage in life where you finally feel better about yourself, you can feel like you have unfinished business or missed out on something. Hopefully, you get over that and do not lose something that matters.

12:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

But for a certain type of man, an attractive young woman is more than just hot -- she is a validation of who they are.
And I don't mean guys like Donald Trump. I mean guys who weren't popular with women when they were young, and never got over it. Sometimes these guys tend to get attached early -- take the first woman who wants them, so to speak. Then, they resent her later.


I can imagine something like that happening. The thing is, we should be cautious before assuming it's what happened here. For all we know the man was quite popular before settling down with his current (ex?) wife?

Peter
Iron Rails & Iron Weights

6:27 PM  
Anonymous roonie said...

Well, he's digging his own grave. Can't say I feel altogether sorry for him. He knows what he's doing. At least the hot wife can find some dude who will appreciate her epic breasts.

11:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

s. at 7:57 is comment of the year, and someone should get to work on developing the movie script.

Megan, you should do a comment of the year thing for New Years. Top ten and let the readers pick, or use your mighty blogger powers and pick your own.

Marcus

12:54 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home