Last night, his ex thought of him for the first time in ages.

So I was looking through Bay Area Craigslist the other night and in the midst of the standard stuff, there was this ad! It was about a topic and not about the guy, although it still managed to convey things I liked about the guy. The topic was interesting! It was totally easy to write him about the topic and imply things about me. I guess he liked that, ‘cause he wrote me back and said smart things and just asked me, straight up, if he should ask me to coffee or if he should send me further amusing emails. Yes! He should! Only not boring coffee, ‘cause we can do better. He liked that too, and suggested a museum. Not some dumb art museum either, but a real museum, with science!

By this point I knew his name, so I stalked him good and proper. I found lots of good things! And no bad things! Math AND physics! He builds hippy techie things, sometimes with other people. There was a picture, of him doing fun things with lots of people in a neat place. He has another hobby, for a different side of him. He isn’t a registered sex offender!

I was getting pretty excited about all this, but I totally played it cool. I didn’t send him an anagram of his name proclaiming our joint destiny. I told myself not to get my hopes up. I told myself my hopes weren’t up, and it was pure coincidence that my music was even louder than usual and I was all singing along. That could happen to anyone. I wrote him saying I thought the museum sounded great, and ‘fessing up that I would have to come down from Sacramento to go to the museum.

I got back:

I would definitely be up for hanging out, but should add that this weekend won't work and I'm probably not up for dating someone that lives so far away. Let me know if some time next weekend might work if you're still interested, no problem if not...

That’s when I found out that I’d gotten my hopes up. An interesting ad and three well-done emails is so fucking meager, and so incredibly better than I usually get. I can’t believe I’ve been demoted to hanging out; it is not like there is a scarcity of hanging out in my life. I completely understand his attitude, and I really respect that he would be so straightforward about it. But.

I’m gonna take him up on the museum next weekend, but now it is all messed up. If we don’t hit it off, that’s actually the easiest. I’ll just relax and enjoy the museum and whomever he turns out to be. But if I do like him, I won’t be able to trust my read. I’ll be all: It seems like this is going well, but is it going well enough that I’m worth dating from Sacramento? Could I be funnier, prettier, wittier, better? If I work harder, could I qualify for his “probably” exception? When will I find out? Will he tell me today? Do I have to wait three days, until I don't get called? Will I ruin it if I ask?

I keep thinking that sometime, please let it be next time, there will be some grace and ease and the good emails won’t suddenly stop. I hate that dating has gone wrong for me in so many unexpected ways that I can’t get calibrated, so minor things trigger all the doubt and confusion of the other times when it ended without warning or explanation. It makes it hard to try, and it makes it hard to trust, and I want to be someone who tries and trusts. Another bid, and I'm getting scared of the landings. You can't play like that.




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You guys know that you won't hear the rest of this, right? He's been very nice and straight up, and I expect him to be very nice and straight up some more, so he doesn't deserve to have people make up stories about him here. If things are medium, there'll be nothing to tell. If things did go great, I wouldn't want to risk it by discussing it in public.