My dear readers,
I have known since the beginning that many of you are men. Men! Until today, I hadn’t cared. I valued you for your wit and thought; as much as anything, I valued the idea of kind and steady attention from strangers for no cause or reason. Now that I despise men, however, just the thought of your presence at my blog is odious to me. Mancooties! Crawling on my words!
This poses an obvious quandary. My very thoughts are polluted by men reading them. My sleep is disturbed by the idea that a man somewhere could have benefited from something I wrote. It would be intolerable if a man found his thoughts in sympathy with mine or his soul soothed by a stray kind word of mine. I can’t have it. But! Naturally, I don’t want my hits to go down.
I must ask of you a favor, foreign though that is to your dull brutish nature. If you must comment, and I suppose you must in your ceaseless efforts to dominate all women everywhere, could you please modify your name to obscure your gender or appear female? It is a pretense, but one that lets me live in my dream of a pure and gentle world of women, holding hands together, while also maintaining my hit counts. I appreciate your support in this manner, although not enough to ever sleep with you.
Goddess bless!
Megan
This poses an obvious quandary. My very thoughts are polluted by men reading them. My sleep is disturbed by the idea that a man somewhere could have benefited from something I wrote. It would be intolerable if a man found his thoughts in sympathy with mine or his soul soothed by a stray kind word of mine. I can’t have it. But! Naturally, I don’t want my hits to go down.
I must ask of you a favor, foreign though that is to your dull brutish nature. If you must comment, and I suppose you must in your ceaseless efforts to dominate all women everywhere, could you please modify your name to obscure your gender or appear female? It is a pretense, but one that lets me live in my dream of a pure and gentle world of women, holding hands together, while also maintaining my hit counts. I appreciate your support in this manner, although not enough to ever sleep with you.
Goddess bless!
Megan
posted by Megan at 3:08 PM
10 Comments:
What about those of us who are known sympathizers of evil, nasty men? Are we to be shunned as well? I mean, I would understand of course, if that's how it has to be.
Plus we can bench more than you! Nyah, nyah, nyah!
Susan,
Has anyone told you that you despise men? 'Cause if not, whatever you're doing is fine. And I couldn't shun another woman.
Marcusa,
I am always inspired by strong women who do traditionally male sports. Do you train often? Have you encountered sexism at the gym? It clearly hasn't hindered your development as an athlete if you can bench more than me.
that's a shame Megan, now who will comment with genuine admiration how strong you are, while caressing you in a lascivious fashion?
swissarmydiana,
Well, everyone comments in genuine admiration about how strong I am. But now I'll only listen if she is from the sisterhood.
Sistas Unite! It's about time you've reclaimed this website for us womenfolk!
I've been secretly living in a man's word for 38 years now. It's scary and facinating and they pee standing up. I have adapted and learned their ways (and rarely miss). More reports from the front forthcoming...
Keep the faith,
Sally Mae Jasonica
So what brought all this on?
t_nicki!
A comment left on an earlier post described me as hating men. I cleared that one out, but the guy left a good synopsis in the thread above this.
Sigh. The curse of the y chromosome is that little head with its little brain. It can cause so much damage.
This is one of my favorite posts ever.
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