html xmlns="" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> From the archives: Kaimana I - Nice Hooterz

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Kaimana I - Nice Hooterz

Ultimate team names are usually puns, often raunchy. The Sacramento co-ed team is called Hot in the Sac; the Sacramento women’s team is Sacxy. Hot Valley of Love is a great local tournament in August. Sacxy sent six women to Kaimana, which is not enough. We combined with another group of women that couldn’t field an entire team. I winced when I saw they were calling themselves NadaLada Hooterz. It was inevitable that the combined team name would be Sacxy Hooterz, and why we gotta bring that up?

I’ve been stacked since sixth grade, and I am well aware that it is most of what people see when they meet me. When I have to tell people what I look like, I start with “ 5’7”, brunette”, and pause before I finish with “…oval face”. “Huge rack” would clue people in much faster. I have twice inadvertently walked up behind men who were describing me with emphatic hand gestures at chest level. The ex-boyfriend dated me for two months before his roommate told him that I have blue eyes, but I can’t believe there was a minute of our acquaintance that he couldn’t have guessed my bra size*. Men stare on the street and creepy men can’t hold eye contact. A girlfriend didn’t believe that I choose all of my shirts to minimize my breasts, but when I showed her the alternative, she choked and her eyes got big.

As we meet our teammates, they all have the usual build for Ultimate. 5’8”, thin, ripped, nice ass from running hard, no breasts to speak of. And these girls were good! Freakin’ fast, gorgeous throws, able to catch anything anyone put up. I’m a fine local player, but I am not in their league at all. They kept winning our games, so our match-ups got harder and harder. As I became more of a relative liability on the field, I tried to focus on not making errors and staying out of their way. They were nothing but gracious, but on at least a couple occasions I remember thinking: well, at least the team name plays to my strengths.

*It never bothered me that he was a breast man. Really, he might as well be. Of course the right attitude is: “I love whatever you’ve got, baby. Big or little, yours are perfect.” Still, if the guy I’m with doesn’t prefer large breasts, that’s just utility lost to the world.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey at least you're not "angry at men" for being attracted to big boobs.

Thank God (or your deity of choice) for what you've got, never take it for granted, don't be mad at the male gender for being wired differently (if you really have to blame someone, blame God/nature). And most of all, stay blessed.

Happy Holidays.

8:02 PM  

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