No pressure.
You know what people never say to me? No one ever says “Oh honey. Don’t you worry your pretty little head ‘bout that. I’ll take care of it.” No one else ever says “I can’t see how a little filly like you could pull such a big load. I’ll get that; you set and look cute.” No, what people say to me is more along the lines of “Well, since you seem to have a handle on that, why don’t you take over?” Or, “Could you figure out what we need and bring it on Saturday? You did such a nice job last time, although this is a little more complicated.”
All that is why, once I have convinced a boy to ask me out*, I would really like him to plan the date. The question “Can I take you out?” is immediately followed by “What would you like to do?” and “Where would you like to eat?”. I appreciate that he is being considerate and would like to plan around my tastes. (I think boys also worry that I am too scared to do things like go to his house or go for a hike. Whatever. I could take him.) But at the end of a date planned to my specs, all I know is how well he follows directions. I would much rather find out what he likes to do, have him show me a tasty place to eat.
Gentlemen, I know that sounds hard, but think of it as a test. Not a big scary test that you could fail, but a gentle test of our compatibility. If you plan a boring evening, that probably means you are boring in bed. Now, me, I’m exciting and fun and adventurous in bed, so that means we wouldn’t be a good fit. We would both be happier with someone more like ourselves. I could have hours and hours of raunchy, blissful sex with a fun person; you and your honey could lie next to each other, asking “But what do you want to do?” See how that works out for everyone? See how you can't go wrong?
*By begging on the Internets.
(Guys, please. Plan the date. The restaurant doesn’t have to be expensive or famous; show that you can find good ethnic food. Know your city well enough that you can think of something neat to do. I would be happy to see a view, or play a game, or do something you love. If you are good company, I’ll be just as happy to talk with you the whole time. I can take myself to anything I can think of. I want to know what you come up with. When it is my turn, I'll take you somewhere good.)
All that is why, once I have convinced a boy to ask me out*, I would really like him to plan the date. The question “Can I take you out?” is immediately followed by “What would you like to do?” and “Where would you like to eat?”. I appreciate that he is being considerate and would like to plan around my tastes. (I think boys also worry that I am too scared to do things like go to his house or go for a hike. Whatever. I could take him.) But at the end of a date planned to my specs, all I know is how well he follows directions. I would much rather find out what he likes to do, have him show me a tasty place to eat.
Gentlemen, I know that sounds hard, but think of it as a test. Not a big scary test that you could fail, but a gentle test of our compatibility. If you plan a boring evening, that probably means you are boring in bed. Now, me, I’m exciting and fun and adventurous in bed, so that means we wouldn’t be a good fit. We would both be happier with someone more like ourselves. I could have hours and hours of raunchy, blissful sex with a fun person; you and your honey could lie next to each other, asking “But what do you want to do?” See how that works out for everyone? See how you can't go wrong?
*By begging on the Internets.
(Guys, please. Plan the date. The restaurant doesn’t have to be expensive or famous; show that you can find good ethnic food. Know your city well enough that you can think of something neat to do. I would be happy to see a view, or play a game, or do something you love. If you are good company, I’ll be just as happy to talk with you the whole time. I can take myself to anything I can think of. I want to know what you come up with. When it is my turn, I'll take you somewhere good.)
Labels: Dating
posted by Megan at 12:53 PM
7 Comments:
But since you are fun, exciting, and adventurous in bed, that implies that you also plan fun and exciting evenings, so why wouldn't someone just leave the planning up to you. Especially if you were planning to have raunchy, blissful sex all night?
I was great at planning dates, back before marriage and baby! It was kind of my specialty. Unfortunately, my execution was sometimes weak. But if I could have just planned dates, and not actually had to go on them, I would have gotten a lot of my friends laid. The best place is the zoo--everybody likes animals and there are lots of opportunities for jokes. Ethiopian restaurants are good--you eat with your hands, which can be very sensuous if you're with the right person.
But not that there weren't some conspicuous failures. Never, ever take a date to a Pantera concert.
Clearly, we should all outsource our date planning to Thelonious_Nick. It's far easier to do once you know somebody, harder to do at the outset. I've met enough women who claimed to be flexible, but who had to suppress funny little faces when you took them where they didn't want to be. I think it's usually a test of mind reading and close compatibility, rather than creativity and initiative. [If he can't figure out what restaurant I want to eat at I'll ignore the outcome of the dice toss!]
I suspect you may be different, but enough people say it without meeting it to make some guys apprehensive when they hear it. It's almost as bad as "tell me the truth, how do I look in ..."
Because this Chris fellow doesn't count "in that way."
I've started romanticizing all my interactions, since that's all I'm getting. Meeting up with anyone for any reason = hot date. Casual conversation = flirting. Long serious conversation = making out. Hanging out with a bunch of Ultimate players = orgy. Not talking to someone for a few days = breaking up.
Chris has been one of my closest friends since undergrad. 'Love him.
Hey, Ananda. Could you please write me separately? Thanks.
It is probably a good thing I am no longer dating. My tendency would be to take the girl to the restaurant "Szechuan Boy" in Fairfax and order the "Husband and Wife Lung Slices" as an appetizer, whether she wanted those or not. The most palatable part of that truly yummy dish consists of spicy pickled tripe. What a way to see if she really likes you and your sense of plan. Of course I played it safer when I was younger.
Tyler Cowen
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