html xmlns="" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> From the archives: SFO brings him back like nowhere else.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

SFO brings him back like nowhere else.

Of the seven years I dated my ex-boyfriend, five and a half were long distance. We were an hour and a half apart for some of it, four hours away for some of it, an ocean apart for some of it*. At some point though, it doesn’t matter what the distance is. If you cannot choose to have dinner together to resuscitate a bad day, it is too far. I hated being in a long distance relationship. It is only half-living, with your heart and thoughts never whole and always aching. For a long time I thought that the only thing worse than dating him so far away would be not dating him.

In one sense, having a long distance relationship is like having this blog. I would watch throughout the day, try to notice funny things and save them up to tell him. I know when I have a crush on someone because I start talking to him in my head, trying to find the phrases that are clever enough that he’ll want to keep talking to me, or a story that makes me look like the kind of person he would want to be with. If I get to talk to him for real, I have to keep reminding myself that just because I want to tell him things doesn’t make him want to hear them. Almost certainly not in so much detail.

But you do! I know absolutely that every one of you is sharp and funny and devastatingly attractive, and that you choose to read the stories I save up. I can have a crush on you; I can tell you these things! Sometimes you write to tell me that I am so cute and witty, and that’s enough to keep the relationship going. It takes the pressure off until I find a real person who wants to pay that kind of attention to me. Thank you.

*My first year of law school I got tired of explaining that yes, I did have a boyfriend in another country and no, I didn’t want to be a lawyer. I switched to telling people that he was in prison and I was going to get him out one day.

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Blogger grant said...

I guess I finally have to admit it. I am deyd sexay.

12:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What's so bad about a long distance relationship? Think of all that extra free time you get to yourself, to do whatever you feel like doing. No constant obligations to anyone. No one nagging you to do chores, or anything else.

1:24 PM  
Blogger Ananda said...

I agree 100% about long distance relationships. But I am disappointed to hear that we are not "real people".

2:02 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

Internet people are imaginary. I can tell because when we do naughty things before I fall asleep, I have to take my own clothes off.

2:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Then, you should host a party at your place for all the people who are reading your blog so you can get to know them all for real.

5:57 PM  
Anonymous justus said...

Promising future indiscretions is not the best way to secure our present fidelity. Blog readers are a fickle bunch in our quest for vicarious experiences.

I do not understand people who subject themselves to long distance relationships. It is a peculiar kind of monastic self-flagellation that seems particularly popular among the allegedly intelligent.

6:31 PM  
Blogger Sweet Coalminer said...

You should get a webcam.

7:26 PM  
Blogger Cladeedah said...

Flattery will get you everywhere, my dear.

10:40 PM  
Blogger Arthur Quiller Couch said...

That's a great line - "having a long distance relationship is like having this blog".

I have a blog. Now to test the analogy, I should have a l-d r.
Any offers? (To be evaluated on [1] length [2] distance [3] relations [4] hips [5] ummm ... I'm a man, you know what I'm looking for!)

5:48 AM  
Blogger Megan said...

Gorgeous Claudia,

I've never needed flattery to get me everywhere with you before.

8:07 AM  
Blogger Aaronlane said...

That's it. I'm breaking up with you.

8:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Awww. Thanks, Megan.

8:09 AM  
Blogger matt said...

I tried commenting yesterday, with no luck; that might just be what happens when lurkers try to delurk and admit their undying love.

I'm imaginary, yes, in these realms -- but even we imaginary people have our place too, right?
Distance -- I think the people matter more than the space. Three and a half years, now, mostly over long distances, with the woman I love, and I wouldn't change it. Hard as it may be, I'd rather feel that part of me that's missing, needing her, in the void of the space than feel nothing at all.

But each of us live our own lives.

2:00 PM  

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