Will he call me?

I know people who want a boy to call. Since I do not, today, happen to be one of them, it is completely obvious what she must do. Since I have, on many other days, been one of them, I know how freakin’ hard this will be. But, my girlfriends who are waiting on a call or an email or a text, who just need to know, who want him to call so bad, my sisters, you must stand up and do something that has nothing to do with him.

My pretty friend, you have given him too much power over your happiness. You, because you are a person, have the responsibility for your own mood and your own mind and your own happiness*. Fortunately, you also have the ability to change those, and right now, while you are wishing he would call, you must use your strengths and abilities.

Sugar, wrest your thoughts away from him. Impossible, you say! I have to know!!! It is all I can think about right now!! But that isn’t true. If you got a phone call from your best friend, saying that she is picking you up in half an hour to tell you great news, your mind would switch to her great news. If you heard that your parents were in a car crash, you wouldn’t care if he called. His calling is not the only thing in the world. So you need to think of other things, things that are interesting enough to distract you. This is great permission for you! Go see a movie, eat at a fancy restaurant, go dress shopping with a friend, check out that tourist trap, make homemade ice cream, play catch in the park, look at kittens at the pet store, do whatever thing you have always wanted to do. You practically have to! Leave your phone behind, so it won’t be nagging you. He can’t reach you anyway, so you might as well pay attention to what you’re doing. If you can’t think of anything to do, stand up and walk out of your house. Places can get saturated with the thoughts you have, until all you can do in that place is think the same things. Just switching to a new place will help, ‘cause you are moving and you are not in the place where you usually mope. Find a friend and pay attention to her.

I understand that it is not fair. He could make you so happy, so easily, just by calling! That’s not even hard for him! Just dialing and telling you what you need to hear! So easy! It will be so much work for you to make yourself not-even-as-happy. Where’s the use of that, when he could just call!!! I know. But there are a few uses. First, maybe he will call in an hour or a day or a week. But you, my friend, are alive during that time. You might as well make it better and not wait around agonizing. Second, you will be a different person when he does or doesn’t call. You will not be a boring person who depends on him. You will be an interesting person who does her own interesting things, and is worthy of his attention. If he calls, you will have a story and neat things to say, not angst-y recriminations about not calling. Third and hardest, no matter whether he calls, you will need these skills one day when you are single. When you are single it will be glaringly conspicuous that you are the person who needs to make you happy, because there is no one else to do it. (When you are in a couple, you should make yourself happy, because it is too heavy a burden to assign completely to another person.) So you must learn to do it. Start now, hon. It will get easier with practice.












*If you aren’t well, if your body is betraying your mind and self with depression or illness, you and people who love you and professionals who can help you are all jointly responsible for your mood and happiness. If you are well, sack up and go back to the paragraph.