html xmlns="" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> From the archives: Big news.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Big news.

Looks like the time has come. I’ve been thinking for months that I should move to Oakland. I want to spend more time with my sister and her boys. And I don’t think I’m going to be able to find anyone in Sacramento. I’ve tried. I’ve put up several rounds of CL ads and met many men. I’ve answered men’s ads on Salon/Nerve, to no response. I’ve passed notes to strangers. I’ve asked friends to set me up. I’m out in public and friendly and I can’t make it work. I have tried. The whole time I was trying, I kept telling myself that no matter how hard it was to approach someone, it was easier than packing my stuff and moving, which has the advantage of being true. But I can’t make it work here. I can’t find a vein of guys like me and I feel like a mismatch for the guys I see and I can’t keep trying a strategy that doesn’t work.

I’ve known for months and months that I should move and I kept pushing the thought away. I love it here. I love my house. I love that Sacramento is just waking up for the summer. People are coming out to their porches and I want to see which porches are going to be the lively ones this year. The guys diagonally across the street did yeoman’s labor for the fun last summer, staying up on their porch all night at least once every two weeks, but now there’s a For Rent sign in front of that house. Ali came home all excited the other day because the guys down the block had a stand-up bass on their front porch and if we didn’t already have plans to go to the park, we’d have changed into dresses and brought over a six-pack. I rode home last night, learning the words to the songs she put on my Shuffle and dancing around on my bike. The night was warm and when I got home, she’d turned on the pretty porch lights so you could see my potted trees; my house looks so bright and beautiful as you walk up to it. I love what I have here.

When Guy #4 was an option, for a few days I let myself think ahead. Until I did that, I had no idea how much I wanted a summer with a boy here. I wanted to drink margaritas on his porch and play cards as we watched people go by. I wanted to decide whether I should make something light or whether we should eat out. I wanted to be able to choose things in the moment, which park, which river beach, which bar, which friends. I wanted to bring him tomatoes on the way back from my garden. I wanted long hot nights, with the sheet kicked off and air from the fans crossing back across our skin. I barely knew him, but oh man, I surely learned what dreams I’ve kept clamped down. But even that potential was an exception. I can’t make it happen. I have tried.

So I’m moving to Oakland, very slowly at first, because in my heart I don’t want to. (This is ridiculous, by the way. I really like my sister’s neighborhood. I love when I’m around enough that the babies turn to me. I like our new apartment. I like the bakeries and plants. Chris and Dennis’n’Amber and likely Anand are there. Some of you are there! When I’m there, I like it.) I’ll start with weekends. I’ll be here during the week, because my job lets me work on Los Osos. I don’t have to decide anything about the house until July, when Ali leaves for Peace Corps and I could rent the whole place for about twice the mortgage. I figure by July, going back and forth will be miserable and I’ll be glad to commit to one place. By July, I should have a sense whether dating there will be any better than dating here. So I’m moving, mostly. I think it is right. I think I’ll be happy there. I think I have to, if a partner and kids are my priority. But oh man. I feel heartbroken.


Blogger Dave said...

Oh Megster...Hard decision, heavy but hopeful heart, uncertainty about the future...I wish you lots and lots of UGLIEs (units of good luck in everything).

6:36 PM  
Blogger Justin said...

It's about time. Though, I still say Oakland sucks too. All the engineers are on the OTHER side of the bay. Or at the bottom of the bay.

If you're lucky, maybe you'll get to come along on some of our outdoor adventures.


7:19 PM  
Anonymous quirkybook said...

I wish you lots of luck in the upcoming months, as you make the final decision. I don't know Sacramento, and I know the Bay Area only slightly better. But what is pretty neat about this area is that you have, within a relatively small-and-connected vicinity, lots of different kinds of BIG communities (engineers and students and artistic types and hippies and conservatives and and and) full of interesting people who will no doubt be interested in you, too. And hey! I'll be moving to SF soon, so if you're ever looking for a coffeeshop buddy in the city, you know who to call!

8:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Heyyy! Welcome to Oakland!

9:52 PM  
Blogger Dennis said...

Thanks Justin, that is AWESOME! As long as there are still people out there who think Oakland sucks, there's still a chance I'll be able to afford a house here some day! *whew!* I thought the word was out and everyone knew Oakland is the best, but they don't! That's awesome!!
Keep hating!

Speaking of hate, I hate to see Megan's heart break leaving Sac. I boomed up there for a short ride along the river last weekend! I have to say, I feel her pain. I don't miss Sac as much as I missed Oakland, but still, I do see her point, it was dang fine. Sure am looking forward to seeing more of her in the East Bay though!!

10:05 PM  
Blogger billo said...

Good luck, Megan! Really hope it all works out for you.


11:27 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

Woo-hoo! I get to hang out with Quirkybook and Sarah and Dennis'n'Amber!

11:50 PM  
Blogger Justin said...

Oakland DOES suck. There are only 2 climbing gyms over there, Berkeley Iron Works, and the City Beach in Fremont. Neither is that spectacular. You've got Mt. Diablo, and Mission Peak, but, not much else in the way of parks. There's not 1 decent pool hall over there, you don't even have an APA league. The cheesy leagues you do have play on 7' tables, that's like, for little kids. 880 sucks, there's traffic 24 hours a day on 880. You're further from the ocean, but not significantly closer to any of the other California attractions like Yosemite, Lake Tahoe, etc....

The one decent thing about the east bay, the closest Fuddruckers to my apartment is there. But, Megan is a vegetarian, so that doesn't do anything for her.

And, most importantly, all of the engineers live in the peninsula and the south bay.


12:05 AM  
Blogger jjsingh04 said...

Good luck in the East Bay, Megan. I'm going to be moving too, to the East Coast to start a PhD program in Aug/Sep. I think Oakland is a fine city. My brother's family lives there and they love it.

1:49 AM  
Blogger Alison said...

Good luck Megan - hope the pleasures of Oakland ease the pain of leaving. It's a brave move, lok forward to hearing all about it.

2:19 AM  
Anonymous James said...

I'm so jealous. Oakland rocks.

3:28 AM  
Anonymous Peter said...

If you don't mind a word of caution, from someone who's been there, done that ... you should think very carefully before moving if one consequence of the move would be a major increase in your daily commuting time. Spending two or three hours on the road each day will put quite a crimp in your social life. Not just because you'll be driving home from work when you could be out with people, but also because you may find yourself too tired to even think of going out in the evening.

6:46 AM  
Blogger Scott Lemieux said...

It's too bad you feel you have to move! Although, from my perspective, ending up in the Bay Area is pretty sweet all things considered. :) Things will work out better there romance-wise...

8:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And the single men of Oakland rejoice!

8:28 AM  
Blogger Megan said...


There's no way I would commute on a daily basis. I bike a mile to work now, and that's how I like it.

As long as I have this job, I'll stay at my Sac house for nights. But I'll try to drop down to four days here, three days there. This'll be a slow transition, because I'm not brave enough for an abrupt change. When I have a better sense what my life'll be like there, I'll look for work there. But I'll never commute.

It is a sweet deal, and I should pay more attention to that.

Anonymouse 8:28:

The single men of Oakland should rejoice in my presence. Rejoicing somewhere else doesn't help us.

8:32 AM  
Anonymous yoyo said...

Sounds like a good move. It'll feel good to do something decision-like like this.

10:33 AM  
Anonymous Jon said...


Reading this, I immediately flashed on your recent post wherein you quoted a beloved mentor: "Imperfect decisions in an uncertain world".....

Something to ponder...a woman who's satisfied and happy with her life is very sexy - at least to a guy like myself....will being in Oakland satisfy you? Can you see yourself equally happy and joyful as you currently are? I'm guessing yes...but you speak so fondly of Sac....if it's a guy you want...well, they're easy to find...but if it's The Guy...he'll find you via your happiness and pleasure with your own's a life of abundance and fresh mown grapefruit and sultry nights

May your days in the East Bay be filled with glory and radiance, loud speakers and high skies..and a flame painted tub of course

1:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Congratulations, Megan, on making such a hard decision. Once you start living in Oakland, even part time, I bet you'll fall in love with it the way you have with Sacramento. And it does seem like you've done everything possible to find the right man in Sacramento, and he just isn't there. I'm impressed with your bravery in deciding to give up a place where you are very comfortable for a greater chance at your ultimate goal.

I hope that wasn't a compliment -- I'm an infrequent commenter, and I don't want to break the rules!

~ Kelly

1:39 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

Thanks for such good wishes. I bet my nephews will dance with me to very loud music.

That was perilously close to a compliment, but today is a good day for that. The encouragement helps. I will notice and enjoy all the great things about Oakland.

2:44 PM  
Blogger Steven said...

Good luck. I'm in the same situation as you--whether I ought to move closer to the E. Bay area to meet people. It's a difficult decission so bravo for making a choice.

10:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The single men of Oakland prepare to rejoice in your presence!

-Anonymouse 8:28

10:13 AM  
Blogger Megan said...

Anonymouse 8:28:

Wow, on re-reading that it sounds really arrogant. You knew that I meant "where I am", right? So that I can meet them? Not, like, rejoice that I would bring my exalted being near them for worship. Even for a self-absorbed blogger, that would be a little much.

10:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, yeah, now that you're moving to the bay area you can try playing pool to meet people. There are a lot of engineers and whatnot in the APA here.

You have to come to the good side of the bay, of course. But, there are teams that play out of Edgies in Milpitas. And the rest of the locations are really in the south bay, in Sunnyvale, Mountainview, and Campbell.


10:46 AM  
Anonymous scottb said...

Uh, someone above, wise and wonderful though they are (hey, wait, it was _justin_) said there's a dearth of parks in the east bay - I've got to object since I lived in San Pablo, just a couple blocks from the n. end of wildcat canyon, which is the northern continuation of tilden park. All sorts of good stuff in them thar hills - I ran up there all the time, saw lots of wildlife, splashed in the streams, watched the cattle grazing on the hills. I miss it just writing about it. The east bay is a nice mix of folks. You'll find lots to do and life will be grand. Stay well!

11:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hah, Right. I meant that they were rejoicing because you were coming (going) to Oakland, you being far superior than anyone in singledom currently there for the meeting and worthy of their attention. And you meant they should wait, and do the celebrating once you arrive, so that you can partake in all that fun, and meet them all.

Definitely a level of arrogance, (but only that which you deserve): they should be glad they'll get to meet you. Definitely not in an idol-worship sort of way... (Nor in a fuzzy animal-love way, either, we've learned).


11:25 AM  
Blogger Magpie said...

What's with all the Oakland hating? There aren't a ton of neighborhood parks, but you have Lake Merritt, the entire East Bay Regional Park district, plenty of farmers' markets, great public transit and lots of other good stuff. Also: plenty of engineers live in the East Bay and SF -- the ones who wouldn't be caught dead in the South Bay, who would be by definition much better catches for Megan.

4:20 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

That's the ridiculous part. I don't hate Oakland. I really like it there. It's just that I'm in love with Sacramento. I'll like Oakland when I'm there.

4:43 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

Oh, you mean Justin? Justin has strongly-held idiosyncratic views.

The ones about climate change make people mad, but I really think he redeemed himself with his defense of furries.

4:46 PM  
Blogger Magpie said...

I was referring to the hating from other commenters.

4:46 PM  
Blogger guy said...

I'm posting this way back here 'cos I'm pretty sure you're keeping track of archived comments, and it seems most apposite here.

Anyway, this image from National Geographic says a lot about why your search in Sacremento isn't working out. That is it, the orange dot in the midst of the blue ones that cover the west, right?

5:55 AM  
Anonymous bryn said...

oakland greenest city for government according to cnet

8:36 AM  

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