It was nice.
I dreamt last night that I was on a trip with a bunch of people to a ghost town in the western desert. The guy I’ve had a crush on forever was on the trip and so were my usual crew and so were some friends of my friends that I hadn’t met. We were doing ghost town things and checking out the abandoned stores and a couple of the new guys were feeling out the situation with me and deciding they might enjoy a trip-fling. I was wondering if my same crush was (finally) going to realize that we belonged together and trying to be around him more, but he was just going along with the group and not paying any special attention to me.
After dinner it was time to figure out where everyone would sleep (the abandoned saloon, the abandoned general store, the abandoned houses) and two guys who thought they had a bid on me were getting loud and competitive and tacky. The guy I have a crush on slipped away somewhere and I was turned off by the guy posturing, so I made it obvious I was going to sleep in the main room with my crew in our usual puppy pile.
The next day I woke up earlier and slipped out to look at the desert. On my way back I fell in with a couple and the guy I like. The couple was all happy and couple-y and started walking ahead down the western town main street. I was being casual and friendly when the guy I like pulled me closer so we could walk with his arm around my shoulders. I couldn’t believe he did that when he never acts like he likes me, and I couldn’t believe how well he fit and I decided it didn’t mean anything, like the times I walk arm and arm with Chris or Ali or Anand.
But he didn’t pull away and I was just watching the couple get further away and starting to exhale and settle into walking with him when he turned his head toward me. He leaned in close, and talked real soft, his mouth on my hair. “Did you sleep well last night?” I shook my head real small, No. “Are you tired?”, and I nodded my head just once, the smallest nod. “Do you want to nap with me this afternoon?” and I thought a nod wasn’t enough for that question so I stepped in front of him and looked at him to see if he really meant it and he kissed me.
In the dream we kissed for long, long seconds and it was huge, wider than that empty street and bigger than that whole ghost town and enough to fill all the deserts in the west.
And then we were walking again, but now I knew I belonged under his arm and I could stop him again for another kiss and I was going to see the rest of the ghost town with him so that when I saw something neat, he’d see it too. And I was going to nap with him that afternoon and I wouldn’t have to put off boys who were tugging on my attention anymore. And when he slipped off that evening, I’d slip off with him. And he would kiss me some more and it would all finally be easy. I could stop fighting the pull of him. I could relax against him and take slow breaths and some breaths would taste like him.
After dinner it was time to figure out where everyone would sleep (the abandoned saloon, the abandoned general store, the abandoned houses) and two guys who thought they had a bid on me were getting loud and competitive and tacky. The guy I have a crush on slipped away somewhere and I was turned off by the guy posturing, so I made it obvious I was going to sleep in the main room with my crew in our usual puppy pile.
The next day I woke up earlier and slipped out to look at the desert. On my way back I fell in with a couple and the guy I like. The couple was all happy and couple-y and started walking ahead down the western town main street. I was being casual and friendly when the guy I like pulled me closer so we could walk with his arm around my shoulders. I couldn’t believe he did that when he never acts like he likes me, and I couldn’t believe how well he fit and I decided it didn’t mean anything, like the times I walk arm and arm with Chris or Ali or Anand.
But he didn’t pull away and I was just watching the couple get further away and starting to exhale and settle into walking with him when he turned his head toward me. He leaned in close, and talked real soft, his mouth on my hair. “Did you sleep well last night?” I shook my head real small, No. “Are you tired?”, and I nodded my head just once, the smallest nod. “Do you want to nap with me this afternoon?” and I thought a nod wasn’t enough for that question so I stepped in front of him and looked at him to see if he really meant it and he kissed me.
In the dream we kissed for long, long seconds and it was huge, wider than that empty street and bigger than that whole ghost town and enough to fill all the deserts in the west.
And then we were walking again, but now I knew I belonged under his arm and I could stop him again for another kiss and I was going to see the rest of the ghost town with him so that when I saw something neat, he’d see it too. And I was going to nap with him that afternoon and I wouldn’t have to put off boys who were tugging on my attention anymore. And when he slipped off that evening, I’d slip off with him. And he would kiss me some more and it would all finally be easy. I could stop fighting the pull of him. I could relax against him and take slow breaths and some breaths would taste like him.
posted by Megan at 5:05 PM
15 Comments:
It's hard to give advice in situations like this, but maybe your best bet would be to come right out and tell this man what you think of him. It could drive him away, you have to acknowledge that risk, but it might work. Especially if he's the shy sort.
heh, I'll avert my eyes, but say seconded. If he's known you for a spell, he probably gets the whole "strong and independant" thing, he won't be put off. Play it simple. There are times in this life when you get close enough to really enjoy someone's company, to the point where you miss that they want a bit more. You say he knows your intention, but it's amazing how often it's missed. "did she say what I think she just said? nah, couldn't be..."
say it plain. and best of luck...
D
Was this really, literally, a dream? Not a daydream, but a dream? I never have dreams like that. It might start out the way yours did, but then a poison lizard would jump out of my sleeping bag and chase me around, and I'd finally get away but lose my purse. Then we'd sit around the campfire and talk about zoning for a long time, and I'd be trying to finish a brief but keep losing my train of thought for a kick-ass argument, and then my dead mother would show up and not be dead but then she'd refuse to talk to me because she was mad about something. Then everyone would pile into a limo for the prom but I couldn't find my shoes or my date, and I'd have to track down the poison lizard and beg him to come with me, and he'd be a real jerk about it. And people would yell at me for making everyone late. And I couldn't yell back because my teeth suddenly got really loose and crumbly and I was afraid if I talked they'd all fall out.
Yours sounds way better.
I agree, it sounds more like a day dream than a "real" dream. I don't dream much, and whenever I dream, there's rarely anything remotely sexual.
It was actually a dream, and I agree that the simple plotline was astonishing. It was surprisingly vivid, too.
For real, not a daydream. I didn't know I wanted to go to a ghost town.
You guys are going to have to believe that I've made myself clear and he isn't interested. THAT HAPPENS. It is OK. It isn't secretly like the movies.
I know what it's like, and the huge impact dreams like this can have (for a couple days, even). Whether they've made it clear or not, it suddenly seems so comforting and natural.
You don't need the advice, but: enjoy the feeling, then buck up and add something else to the pile.
-AS
I've made myself clear
Did you do a naked dance with important sharpie-written instructions on your body? Because if not, he might not have gotten the message.
Ogged (I read your post), the problem is she wants a relationship with this guy, not a one-off.
If a guy is thinking about a woman for girlfriend potential, he'll make some effort and look for signs himself.
More important, leaving it somewhat to other person is the best way to avoid getting involved with someone who is ambivalent about you, which is deadly and can eat up years.
HEHEHE, well I believe you, but ogged certainly does have a point [ah, monday laughter is the best]...
so if the crush is never to be returned, and the dreams are still vivid, you can at least count on one thing. when the ways of your life are rough, and you could really use the comefort of someone else, you still have that dream, that person you imagine, to help your brain. sure, it isn't the same, and there are no fringe benefits, but in your mind as you sleep, you can take refuge there. and feel the better for it on waking...
D
Ogged, do you really need Megan to be that direct? Why do you think she's been blogging so much about swimming? Still trying to win your heart...
http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&q=bodie,+ca&ie=UTF8&ll=38.213129,-119.00841&spn=1.791159,1.873169&z=9&om=1
There you go. Let me know when you're going, I've been curious about that place.
Justin
Justin,
That's the ghost town I was thinking of too. :) Dave and I have been there, it's kind of eerie. There's some good rock climbing near Bridgeport too.
-Mel
Megan wrote:
"I could relax against him and take slow breaths and some breaths would taste like him."
Beautiful....
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