html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> From the archives: Something like that.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Something like that.

I was on my way to dinner last night when my phone rang. It was my tenants, telling me that my house had been broken into. I went straight over and we pieced together what happened. From the looks of it, either Eric Rauchway or Kieran Healy busted through the big window on my porch. You climbed through the jagged glass, guys? Not thinkers. Then they had a sortof fruitless time trying to find something to steal in all my tenants moving boxes and were stymied by the back closet I left a mess. My tenants came home in the middle of that, so the two of them charged out the front door, getting away with only an old laptop. I can only imagine Kieran and Eric spent the rest of the night drinking forties and using their stolen loot to troll comments sections.

Cops came and there wasn't anything for me to do at the house, so I met my dinner companions late. Thief with the Grey Hoodie, Thief with the Buzzcut and I really had a lovely time. I knew they were smart and witty, because I've read their posts and columns and stuff. I am forever hoping to have long dinners with fascinating conversationalists, and a dinner like last night's is exactly why. I was sorry it ended and I had to go back to dealing with some squalid, petty crime.

It'll be worth it, though, because I am confident that I will get justice today! I told the cops where they could find the perpetrators! Even as I type, I'm sure a S.W.A.T. team is descending on Kieran's lecture. Hah! I hope they haul him and Eric away in cuffs! That'll teach them to bust into people's houses and steal laptops! Break people's big wavy glass window! They're gonna put you away for that, guys. If I were a smaller person, I would take some satisfaction from contemplating your fate. But I'm not. I just hope you can rehabilitate yourself. I hope you use your time behind bars to reflect a little and better yourself. Maybe read a book or two. Grow a conscience.

11 Comments:

Blogger LizardBreath said...

If I read the post correctly it sounds like a fun evening. I've heard that Rauchway is urbane.

3:18 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

It was a fun evening for sure.

3:31 PM  
Anonymous Alex said...

Judging by your recent blog posts, it doesn't sound like your house is in a very safe neighborhood. Sounds like you could seriously use a llama.

6:41 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

A llama could drive off a couple professors!

6:47 PM  
Blogger George said...

You seem more put out by hippie girl stealing your flowers than by some bangers busting your window?

(That's a question, not criticism.)

8:24 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

Like Ennis said, I was mostly upset about getting so pwned. The rest is just more chores.

9:48 AM  
Blogger JRoth said...

I saw a nice little toy llama in my grocery store the other night and immediately thought of sending it to you. But would I send it to Much Beloved House, Bike-Friendly St., Sac CA, or Welcoming Sister's House, Kickass View Terr., Oakland, CA? Hard to know. So I just bought myself a stingray.

Anyway, I'm so sorry to hear about your lost wavy glass. I had to redo the glazing putty on my front windows a couple years ago, and I was petrified that I would break the wavy glass. They're west-facing in our bedroom, and the late afternoon light on the walls is breathtaking.

12:39 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

I'm trying to find a big pane of replacement wavy glass. I have a couple leads, so there is still hope.

8:02 PM  
Blogger JRoth said...

New wavy glass, or salvaged? For a fortune you can get it new, but I actually have no idea what the parameters are on that.

Anyway, good luck!

6:12 AM  
Blogger Megan said...

Salvaged, I think. I stayed in Oakland today, so I didn't get a chance to track those down. But I'm thinking it is salvaged.

5:06 PM  
Blogger Dubin said...

Isn't there a place called Omega Salvage in West Berkeley? On San Pablo maybe? They might have salvaged glass...

6:08 PM  

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