html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> From the archives: Like a freakin' mirror.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Like a freakin' mirror.

It is a trifle disconcerting to read a field guide to oneself, but at least it is accurate:

A common characteristic amongst white people is the need to over analyze things, so they partake in activities such as therapy, writing a blog, or becoming an arts major.
Sometimes people like to think about things, OK?

But, in order for them to truly enter into whitedom, they need to own the holy grail of white kitchens - the kitchen aid stand mixer (right). They will match this mixer to their kitchen’s color scheme and it will make up the focal point. And much like many religious artifacts, it will remain untouched for months and even years, sitting on the counter to be admired as a testament to their lifestyle.
I have too used Sunshine, and I will again. Soon. This weekend.

And of course, it goes without saying that white people who ride bikes like to talk about how they are saving the earth. If you know a person who rides to work, you should take them aside and say “Hey, thanks. Sincerely, The Earth.” Then give a thumbs up. That white person will ride home on a cloud.
Yes, please. Do say this, and I will glow with happiness.

White people need organic food to survive, and where they purchase this food is as important as what they purchase. In modern white person culture, Whole Foods has replaces churches and cathedrals as the most important and relevant buildings in the community.

There are some regions that do not have Whole Foods, but do have an abundance of white people (college towns), in these situations Whole Foods can be substituted with a local co-op grocery store where you have to pay a membership to shop there.
Whole Foods is weak. Too convenient, buying all your groceries in one place. I go to farmers' markets for produce, the co-op for bin food, and my community garden for anything I can grow.

13 Comments:

Blogger Spungen said...

Yeah, this has been making the rounds. Elite educated liberals are a small minority of actual whites, but whatever. A certain skunk emailed it to me, thinking I'd jump on the bandwagon. I replied: "But I don't want to *mock* them. I want to *be* them!"

2:36 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

It's true. It is an awful nice lifestyle.

2:58 PM  
Blogger Jacqueline said...

Ha, I saw that last night and sent it to everyone in my family because it was so true about us. I think the author must be in the Seattle area, because some of those characteristics describe white north Seattlites (or white people living the Seattle suburbs) PERFECTLY.

3:13 PM  
Blogger Jacqueline said...

"Whole Foods is weak. Too convenient, buying all your groceries in one place. I go to farmers' markets for produce, the co-op for bin food, and my community garden for anything I can grow."

This ties in nicely to another post, about beer: "White people don’t like stuff that’s easy to acquire."

It's so true. I really know people who brag about all the different stores they have to do their shopping at (instead of just picking up everything from Walmart).

3:17 PM  
Blogger Spungen said...

It's so true. I really know people who brag about all the different stores they have to do their shopping at (instead of just picking up everything from Walmart).


Kidding aside, we do understand that a majority of Walmart's shoppers are white.

Ah, the Great White Unwashed. Where would the Republican party be without them?

5:25 PM  
Blogger Jacqueline said...

Of course the majority of Walmart shoppers are white, because the majority of the population is white. But I wonder how the proportions of shoppers at various stores change relative to the proportions in the population?

For example, in Las Vegas, shopping at Walmart is literally the *only* time I see black people during my day-to-day life. Whereas when I shop at Sunflower Market (similar to Whole Foods but cheaper and scaled down) or Trader Joes, my fellow shoppers are usually all white (with Hispanic clerks).

(I'm white so of course I have to go out of my way to shop at particular stores for my froofy organic produce and meat and microbrews and wine, ha ha.)

11:56 PM  
Anonymous -K said...

Whoa. I don't lead an all-white lifestyle; even though I am non-white, I am one of the few domestic Americans in my job. Anyway, going to our neighborhood WalMart is like stepping into a foreign country, with a few African-Americans mixed in. My wife is a distinct minority there. -K.

2:50 PM  
Blogger Marcus said...

Are you kidding me? In areas with lots of working class to poor blacks, Wal-Mart is all minority, all the time. When I lived in the inner ring Cleveland suburbs, right near some ghetto areas, Wal-Mart was all black and Hispanic shoppers. The place would be packed and I'd be almost the only white guy there.

Megan, did you see the part on fixed-gear bikes? They were insulting PRINCESS!

4:34 PM  
Anonymous Peter said...

It's a cute site, but it really should be called whatpretentiousupscalewhitepeoplelike.com. You won't see too many white residents of trailer camps getting all excited about natural medicine, recycling, or Whole Foods.
--

when I shop at... Trader Joes, my fellow shoppers are usually all white (with Hispanic clerks).

Pretty much the same here, though the one nearest me is in a largely white area. It seems to attract a fair number of Asians too, including WM/AF couples.

5:08 PM  
Blogger Jacqueline said...

Oh, there might be some Asians at my Trader Joes too, but I likely wouldn't notice that type of "diversity" because I'm from the west coast. As Megan can probably attest, east Asians = white (except first generation immigrants) in many west coast whites' perceptions.

5:27 PM  
Anonymous Peter said...

Oh, there might be some Asians at my Trader Joes too, but I likely wouldn't notice that type of "diversity" because I'm from the west coast. As Megan can probably attest, east Asians = white (except first generation immigrants) in many west coast whites' perceptions.

It's pretty much the same on the east coast too. Of course the "except" clause is significant; there seem to be a lot of very, very poor Chinese immigrants in particular.

7:14 PM  
Anonymous SwissArmyD said...

huh, and here I thought the common characteristic was that white people need angst. oh, wait...

12:03 PM  
Blogger julimac said...

Stuff white people like is about marketing, not about race. Like this site.

2:13 PM  

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