html xmlns="" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> From the archives: East Coast/West Coast difference?

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

East Coast/West Coast difference?

I read Fresh Pepper about everyday. The format is reliable; no matter the setting, despite his good intentions, Fresh blurts out something amazingly crass. His commenters are a school of sharks, and the frenzy usually includes the following themes: Fresh hasn’t accepted he is gay, Fresh lives in his parents’ basement, Fresh has a small penis, Fresh’s filthy mind dooms him to a life of celibacy. Fine. Sure. It is pretty funny, and it seems like they enjoy the inside jokes. Just this morning I realized that none of that is the truly surprising thing about Fresh Pepper. Fresh casually, easily, regularly writes about behavior that I can honestly say that I have never seen in real life. Fresh Pepper courts women.

Fresh Pepper writes explicitly about wanting a girlfriend and regular sex. Fresh Pepper writes about failed attempts to pick up girls at bars. When Fresh meets a potential ladyfriend, he asks her out, and then plans a date, and then takes her on a date. He debates the pros and cons of date locations, and whether they will lead to (anal) sex. In an effort to persuade the lady to be his girlfriend (with the regular sex), he brings her flowers, cooks food for her, arranges additional dates and buys her gifts. I have an active fantasy life, but I literally cannot imagine a man doing that. I have never been wooed like that, and I can’t think of a girlfriend who has. I have guy friends who pine for someone, but when I advise thinking of an activity she might like, calling her and asking her to do that, with the subtext that he likes her, they just look baffled.

The only way I have ever met boyfriends is that we were both in the same place doing some other activity while we made eyes at each other. As I think about it, I initiated and arranged five of the last six occasions that had any potential for romance. Hell, I arranged the last hook-up I got. As far as I can tell, men passively do things, hoping women will be present. My beautiful neighbor, super cool girl with a gorgeous body, goes to the local Dive Bar Club, where one guy took some interest in her. He might have her over to watch a movie, but won't stay sober enough to pick her up. My freakin’ fabulous, tall, stunning redhead friend is beside herself with happiness because the boy she likes bought himself a ticket to a concert she was already going to. She is a decade younger than me, and that is as much enthusiasm and motivation as she has ever seen (including an ex-boyfriend who was desperately in love with her). My supermodel girlfriend hung out in her now-husband’s dorm room until he finally gave it up. I’ve seen couples hook up at a party and pairs leave the field together to get a beer and couples meet rock climbing, but date? Where the boy asks the girl? It's a myth.

I know friends who gracefully became lovers, and I know husbands and boyfriends who are wonderful to their beloveds. But in my circle of friends, I don’t know a single story of a man winning a strange woman’s affection by putting effort into courting her. Fresh truly is a freak.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

But I think it all evens out with the comic blurting out of crass remarks and other behavior that eventually puts him right back in the realm of man-ness. I'm so stealing the flower/anal line from the other day.

7:12 AM  
Blogger Cladeedah said...

Who is this person and how did you find him?

11:57 AM  
Blogger Dennis said...

Yeah... well... guys really are lame. My own embarrassment at our lameness is the second biggest reason I think girls should date more girls. (The first being I think that it's hot, which is pathetic, I know. I'm a simple man with simple perversions. At least I'm not turned on by poop or something!)

Well, now that my note has gotten this out of hand, I'd like to take this opportunity to share some information about anal sex with you and your readers. So I'll leave you with this great entry from Best of Craigslist, submitted for your education and entertainment:

9:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i met my wife in college. lots of guys were buzzing around her. so i differentiated myself by treating her with a touch of loathing and contempt. then, after an unplanned kiss, i was "all in" on the romance tactics. made her homemade chicken soup when she had a cold. brought her to a piano on campus and sang her a weepy pop song.
that was 17 years ago. now we've got a couple of kids, and we are in a different galaxy far far away.

11:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you are talking about American people... well gosh, no surprise. American women just want to be treated like crap.

Personally I've attempted to "date" several women... did all the gentlemanly things: flowers, opened doors, took her to places SHE liked, listened when she wanted to vent, etc. I got NOTHING. No play. I kept getting dumped.

Eventually I got sick of it, and just started being MEAN. I was just plain RUDE and frankly didn't give a good goddamn. I did it to one particular hottie that thought she was God's gift to man. Put her in her place real good.

Guess what. She wouldn't stop calling me.

We ended up being friends, and even through my recent engagement (to a non-crazy girl from my own country!) this other American female friend of mine has been around, and she's actually not a bad person.

American women are just CRAZY. That's why even American guys don't bother asking them out.

7:57 PM  

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