html xmlns="" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> From the archives: Just a few more weeks.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Just a few more weeks.

Dennis came over yesterday and we put up the trim. I am so grateful. My room will look sweet and small and lovely when I'm done. I should be relieved. This was the piece that can get me moving again; from here on, I either know how to do it or it can wait. But when we finished the trim, I got so tired. Now hours of caulking, taping, painting and moving in are open to me. Soon as I get those done, I'll be able to finish moving out of my Sac house and out of Chris's parents' house. The chores are all chained and they stretch out further than I can see. I want to hide in a corner.

I don't know what's happening to me. Work doesn't ordinarily get to me. It is simply there, if one wants to live in a pretty room*. Normally, I would trudge steadily through each step. I can picture the result, and I know why you do each step, so I would just do it. But last night I had time to caulk for an hour, which is one hour closer to done, and I simply could not face it. I feel like I've been working for so long, and all it has gotten me is the opportunity to do more work. I am tired.

I keep thinking that this will be the last push for a while. When the room is done, there will be no more to do on it. I will, one day in the near term, have cleared out of my Sac house. All this transition will end; I will apply work to it and it will end.

I've been pushing for months, on this and other stuff to change my life. This is the cost of ending stagnation, right? Straining at a boulder, rocking it back and forth until it breaks from its bed. I keep thinking that soon my new life will gather inertia and I can coast for a while, running on all the energy I've poured into it in 2007. 2008 is my year again. It'll be Rat Year, and I'll live in a beautiful little room in a beautiful new neighborhood. I'll have time to breathe, look up. I'll make new friends and show them this place that I built with my family and my friends.

*I could, I suppose, just leave stuff undone. But you can't escape work; it always finds you. Moving in without finishing the room means moving it out later, doing the same work and moving back in. Perhaps I don't have to make the room all nice, but for now it is the only space that is all mine. Making it pretty will reward me for the rest of my stay there. Unfortunately, I know how grateful I will be later that I did the work now; I'm reminded of that every time I eat something from the garden. Sadly, I have learned that one does things in order and right now the order requires work.


Blogger LizardBreath said...

Man, it sounds like the move really has you overwhelmed. But you're close to done -- taping and caulking and painting one room can't be more than two weekends' work, and only that much because of drying times. Courage! By the first of the year you'll be in your pretty little room, putting together your Oakland life.

1:58 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

Courage. Yes.


2:28 PM  
Blogger susan said...

Tell you what. You finish your room, I'll finish my master's thesis, and then we'll do some serious celebrating when we're done. Tom & I ought to make a trip to the bay area sometime anyway. ;)

4:03 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

Hey! Want to come up over President's Day weekend? I've been thinking of having An Event.

4:06 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

Aw man. Dennis just called to offer more help. When I was good enough to deserve my friends?

6:27 PM  
Anonymous YK said...

You know, you could also hire people to do some of the work...

7:10 PM  
Anonymous ennis said...

Courage! Good things are just around the corner! And you love having worked hard, even if you are momentarily out of breath.

8:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Explain to the nephews how cool what you're doing is. It might get you more excited about it, if it seems cool to them. And I find whenever you can convince someone else (child or grown up) that what you're doing is cool, their feedback helps you believe it to be true.

10:37 AM  
Blogger Dubin said...

Wow. I just realized that you've described my entire life for the past four years or more. And for me, the dog and cat are constantly undoing whatever it is I'm doing as I go, so if I fix the leaking faucet, Carmen pees on the futon. And if I get one load of laundry done, Carmen chews up all the mail. And if I finally finish the tile, Nani will shred the couch. I think it's the Conservation of Broke-Ass phenomenon at work.

5:30 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

Dubin, I think this is the homeowning part.

But Dennis came over tonight and we got all the caulking done. Taping tomorrow, paint soon and MOVE IN!

9:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good to hear that the remodeling went well. Its nice to get a bit of trim from time to time...

11:56 PM  

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