Who spells it CaCee, anyway?

Oh Jess, I was so sorry to hear about Nick and CaCee. I never wanted to have anything in common with you, and I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. It will hurt worse than you can imagine for longer than I want to tell you. You are going to have to re-build your life, and you are going to have to do it without the parts of your soul you gave to the two people you loved most.

People are going to react in one of two ways. There will be people who suggest that they didn’t mean to hurt you, and if they were in love they couldn’t help it, and that maybe, down the road, when everything has settled down, you guys can be friends again. These people have nothing to offer you in this situation, but it is good that they have revealed themselves. They are moral relativists; they cannot be trusted. They are gentle and well-meaning, so there is no reason to tell them how fucked up that is. And one day, you may do something transgressive and it will be good to have them running around making excuses for you.

There will also be people who gasp when they hear and immediately tell you how much they want to slap that bitch. Now you know these people are either loyal or they understand right and wrong (or both); either of those are a step up from your best friend of twelve years and ex-boyfriend of seven years. These are the people who will offer you peace and solace in the bad months to come.

My last advice is: don’t take revenge. I know how much you want to. I know about the dreams. But life is long and revenge will only feel satisfying for a while. Self-righteousness, on the other hand, can last for years. Of course, if you were an adulterous skank who slept with co-stars left and right, the high road may be a bit of a stretch for you. Still, do not take revenge. In the long run, being them will be punishment enough.

Good luck, honey. It will get better, I promise.

P.S. Oh and Jess, since I apparently have no shame this week, could you please tell Ashlee that her new song is totally catchy? She’s flat, but we can all agree that was intentional. I don’t want to like it, but it makes me dance every time. L O, L O, L O, L O V E

Grrrl power!

I wrote to my pretty friend as soon as I heard that a longtime crush would be bringing his new girl to an event I was arranging.


Megan:
HATE being gracious. I'll just have to be smiley and nice. I HATE that.

Pretty Friend:
I know!
I totally hear you!
I can be mean and nasty for you, if you want...*

Megan: No, no. Let's just be fake and pleasant to her face, and then really mean behind her back. I like to do it that way, because when I have other people to make fun of, I feel better about myself. Also, it’s nice to have a group of girlfriends who will tear other women down, instead of supporting the sisterhood.

Pretty Friend: I meant to him! But I'm totally good at pulling hair too, if you want me to go after her!

Megan: Sweet. We could take her. And remember? We only blame other women, not men, who are sweet and naïve and can't be held responsible for their choices.

Pretty Friend: You should be chair of the women's studies program in Berkeley!! Those bitches over there don't know what they're talking about!



Fortunately, the event was rained out. I didn’t have to be classy after all.

*This was a lie. She couldn’t really be mean and nasty to anyone.