html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> From the archives: Fifty on the dot.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Fifty on the dot.

There's an excellent Craigslist ad up right now. The whole thing reads:
Let's Just Get This Over - 32
Reply to: xxxxx@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-06-25, 12:21PM PDT


Please just go ahead and reject me in 50 words or less.

Thanks.


I can't resist that. Here goes:

Oh honey, I really tried. But I feel like you never let me in. You barely told me anything; just made demands; never showed me who you really are. I was supposed to guess everything, and I can’t anymore. I’m not psychic and I won’t be your girlfriend like this.


Any of you have fifty words for this guy?

*********************************************

So then Tom walked right into the comments and said, "Here. Let me show you how it's done." His version:

Alone. Aimless. Aching. Around.
Attractive!

Approach. Abashed.

Artless. Available? Apointment?
Approve.

Arrive. Attentive. Admiring. Amazed. Absorbed.

Again?
Affirmative.

Affectionate. Amorous. Aroused. Abed. Acrobatic. Abandon. Ardent.

Apartment?
Assent.

Adjoined. Adventures. Aspirations.

Affiance?
Absolutely!

Announced. Amused.

Afraid. Affront. Adolescent. Askance. Argument. Ambivalence. Anxiety. Acerbic. Accusation. Alienation.

Astray.

Agonize.

Admit.

Apart?
Agree.

Alone.



*********************************************

Also, it turns out the guy who placed the ad is pretty cool and is part of a really neat blog: Ten Car Train.

17 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I'm sorry, but I just haven't felt any romantic chemistry between us."

Optional second sentence: "I hope we can still be friends."

There's even room for a third sentence to invite him out for coffee -- as a friend -- if you wanted to meet him.

10:29 PM  
Blogger Pete Nicely said...

It's not you, it's your wheelchair.

11:10 PM  
Anonymous sealion said...

...
NEXT!

11:12 PM  
Blogger billo said...

After giving serious consideration to your request I regret to inform you that on this occassion I will not be able to accept your offer. Due to the high level of competition it is impossible to give an opportunity to all prospective applicants. Only joshing. You can contact me at.

11:17 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

Dude, I am SO SORRY. It's just that your brother is so much better looking.

11:20 PM  
Blogger John said...

How about this from Frog Applause?

6:47 AM  
Blogger Tom said...

Alone. Aimless. Aching. Around.
Attractive!

Approach. Abashed.

Artless. Available? Apointment?
Approve.

Arrive. Attentive. Admiring. Amazed. Absorbed.

Again?
Affirmative.

Affectionate. Amorous. Aroused. Abed. Acrobatic. Abandon. Ardent.

Apartment?
Assent.

Adjoined. Adventures. Aspirations.

Affiance?
Absolutely!

Announced. Amused.

Afraid. Affront. Adolescent. Askance. Argument. Ambivalence. Anxiety. Acerbic. Accusation. Alienation.

Astray.

Agonize.

Admit.

Apart?
Agree.

Alone.

9:27 AM  
Blogger Erik said...

That's excellent, Tom.

9:54 AM  
Anonymous D said...

sorry Pal, binky the doormat has been done, and no you don't get royalties... because you're a doormat

1:37 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

Holy shit, Tom. Where've you been hiding that?

2:43 PM  
Blogger Tom said...

I was reminded by the strict word limit of the famous six word short story (For sale: baby shoes, never worn.) and figured I'd give it a whirl.

3:04 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

Man alive. That was fantastic. I wanted to say "awesome" and then my second choice was "amazing", but I those words belong to you today.

3:25 PM  
Blogger Marcus said...

Good for you for the front page promotion, Megan, that's the ultimate reward for a brilliant comment.

Tom sort of obviates the need for any further comment on this thread.

3:50 PM  
Blogger susan said...

At the risk of playing virtual kissy face, let me just say this is a prime example of one of the many reasons I love that man.

4:08 PM  
Anonymous sealion said...

Not nearly so elegant as Tom's, alas. But here goes:


T=0 Alone. Bored. Craiglist? Data entered.
T=4 days First girl has interest!?
T=6 days Just kidding.
T=12 days Longer message.
T=14 days New opportunity?...
T=17 days Presidio. Quite romantic!
T=18-22 days (silence)
T=22 days Tied up?
T=25 days Very well.
xxxxxx
T=34 days "Yeses"=zero. :(
T=39 days "Yeses"=1!
T=41 days "Xena" was very...unusual. Terrified.
T=52 days She's right? (quick plea)
T=54 days Obviously not.
T=62 days Maybe love just isn't here...
T=82 days "Good friends." >:(
T=100 days Exhausted. Delete Craigslisting; better alone.

5:44 PM  
Anonymous Peter said...

"It's me, not you ... what the hell, we both know that's a pathetic cliche. No one who's ever used it has actually meant it. Let's stop beating around the bush and get right to the point. It was you. One hundred percent. Yeah, I know, the truth hurts, but tough.

8:02 PM  
Blogger jens said...

My favorite solicited rejection ever (over 25 years ago...we were friends but I felt I had to keep trying every month or so just in case she changed her mind, and I got tired of just a boring "no thanks") was "Gee...I'd really love to but I have to clean my bathtub that night."

5:38 PM  

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