html xmlns="" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> From the archives: Progress

Monday, February 18, 2008


Three months to the day after I moved out of my house, I'm finishing unpacking at my sister's. It took forever, because I haven't had a wardrobe until Anand came up and helped me assemble one this weekend.

IKEA solved my problem, but I still think their furniture looks cheap, which it is. I've never liked IKEA stuff, even when the whole concept was new and exciting. I should focus on the 'solved-problem' aspect of it, shouldn't I?

I'm unpacking boxes and finding out that I do too have pretty clothes. I never wear them. If the overlords took away everything but a pair of jeans, three t's and three longsleeve t's, I'm not sure I would notice. The reason I don't wear anything else, especially quite a number of skirts, is that I don't have boots. Just like the wardrobe was the bottleneck for my new room, boots are the bottleneck for my new style.

I have tried to buy boots, but apparently all you women have little chickenleg calves. The usual circumference for boots, I now know, is 14 - 15in. Mine are 18in, and do you people have no muscles? Seriously. I'm sure someone is waiting to call me a fatty, but there is not a millimeter of yield on my calves; if I stand on my toes, you see that shelf and both sides of the gastrocnemius. Also, I think you wasted-away waifs don't have quite as much muscle on the front of your shins. Flexing my toes brings that out. I don't remember what that is from (maybe from the bouncing that these guys do interminably), but I guess it means that I can't wear boots. I am painfully bitter about this, but I make myself feel better by mocking other women's physiques.

Anyway, if boots weren't an insurmountable barrier, I would wear some girlie clothes and then I could wear the jewelry I also own. Found that today, too, with detached interest. Look at all those supercute necklace and earring sets! So exactly my tastes! I didn't miss them at all. I've kindof liked having the excuse of being in the process of moving to neglect all ornamentation. It couldn't last forever, though. Today I faced up to my clothes and jewelry. I unpacked them, tucked them away into the new wardrobe. I hope they'll like it there. That's probably where they'll stay.


Blogger Megan said...

The muscle on the front of your shin is handy, though, when you are playing macho games of stoicism with the blackbelts. A usual technique to toughen your shins is to sit on the floor and roll big dumbbells up and down your shin. Hurts like a mf, but flexing your toes brings up those muscles and you can pretend you don't feel anything.

3:03 PM  
Anonymous Ennis said...

With calves like that, why hide them in boots? I think you should show them off!

3:37 PM  
Blogger imogenesis said...

If you really want some boots, you could try here:

They make boots with varying size calf fittings.

I've never ordered from them myself, but I've only heard good things.

3:39 PM  
Blogger Strange Bird said...

We have the opposite boot problem. I *do* have chicken legs (runs in the family); I've lifted and ran and everything else I could think of for my whole life trying to get them bigger. They are bigger now, but still a good inch or two of give in every pair of boots I try. Lame.

3:44 PM  
Anonymous justus said...

Why don't you just have someone make boots for you so they actually fit?

I'm surprised that such a frou-frou hippie like yourself relies on mass-produced clothing and footwear.

4:09 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

I was thinking of getting boots made, because I am not poor anymore. Considering how much of my own clothing having boots would open up to me, it would be a reasonable expenditure.

4:12 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

Also, Strange Bird. Hang out in LA next weekend?

4:13 PM  
Anonymous -K. said...

I think you should show us evidence of these non-fat calves. Photos would suffice. ;-) -K.

5:01 PM  
Anonymous Peter said...

Heh. I remember the sofa we bought at IKEA about five years ago. It was a real bargain, no trouble at all to assemble, and looked really nice. It also fell apart after a year.

5:43 PM  
Anonymous doctorpat said...

You'll just have to wait a year or two until the fashionable woman's boot is a very loose fit.

Or shop where the male transvestites do.

5:56 PM  
Blogger Gretchen said...

No need to do the special order thing. Just check out the wide calf section at the website. Or go to this link:

There are definitely 17 and 18 inch circumferences to be found in boots, and zappos has free overnight shipping.

7:39 PM  
Anonymous SwissArmyD said...

seems like you ride regular pedals, but riding with toeclips or shoes/clipless pedals will give you that fabulous shinfront muscle...

as for boots... find out where the athletic women around you shop, perhaps... that and consider a fully laced style instead of something that is pulled on.

and when you decide on the thigh-high pirate boots, the world will beat a path to your door... :mineisanevillaugh:

The other thing would be to find a pair of boots you like that dosn't quite fit at the top, and see if your cobbler, or better yet saddle/boot maker could modify them. Esp. taking a lower boot, and adding a higher shaft that fits your legs. Probably easier than constructing a boot from scratch.

Also what ennis said... 'tis a shame to cover up the perfect form...

7:44 PM  
Anonymous Becks said...

Instead of IKEA, I'm a big fan of stuff from the unfinished wood stores. It requires a bit of elbow grease to stain and sand but I suspect you'd be up for that kind of a project.

8:26 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

The unfinished furniture used to be my default. Once I got some money, I bought actual Mexican colonial-style furniture. But it seemed a hassle to find an affordable wardrobe through those routes. You're right, though. Unfinished furniture is way better than IKEA.

8:52 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

Oh, and toeclips for sure.

9:03 PM  
Blogger Noel said...

Dudes, I can't believe you all fell for Megan's trolling! We all know she's far too go-getting to let the lack of boots get in the way of getting laid. The old Megan might have waited for the nerd boys to ask her out, but the new Megan takes charge!

As a public service to any other single laydeez reading, allow me to share the big secret about how men like their women to dress:

Men like women in flat shoes. They are hot!

Men like women in sneakers. They are hot!

Men like women in ankle length boots. They are hot!

Men like women in knee length boots. They are hot!

Men like women in high heels. They are hot!

Men like women. They are hot!

Ladies, your clothes serve to 1) accentuate secondary sexual characteristics, and 2) indicate social grouping. Beyond a very low level, additional expenditure on appearance is better spent at the gym than the shops.

3:29 AM  
Blogger LizardBreath said...

Try looking for stretchy fabric boots as well. I've got similar calf issues, and if you're willing to look beyond leather, there are going to be boots with give in them.

8:12 AM  
Blogger Capella said...

They do sell wider boots, but you may have to buy them online, which means not trying them on.

I have this exact same problem too, and it seems very unreasonable. I fit just find into regular-size clothes, and my calves are not disproportionately huge, so I should fit into regular-size boots. It is a conspiracy.

10:48 AM  
Anonymous SwissArmyD said...

"Men like women. They are hot!" - noel

are you saying we're easy?

oh, wait...

11:18 AM  
Blogger matt said...

I'm with Noel on this one...

1:10 PM  
Blogger non said...

Lace or otherwise fancy socks matched up with good shoes look killer with a skirt. Certainly takes a lot of shopping, but it's definitely got the jump on boots for skinnier or thicker than average legs.

1:15 PM  
Blogger JRoth said...

I should probably ask my wife - she has pretty stout calves, but she has at least some boots she can wear.

Also: the important thing with Ikea is to recognize that some of it is cheap junk, some of it is expensive junk, and some of it is actually pretty decent. For college students, it's all junky, because that's what they can afford. But if you can afford to be a little selective, you can generally get decent stuff.

Also, it can be a blank canvas (those gorgeous things are in my house!).

1:16 PM  
Blogger Dubin said...

Two things:

1. I wear knee-socks a lot, in line with my look which is apparently something called "librarian chic."

2. Did you know that hot Koreans have this calf problem? My friend Judi tried to give me an expensive pair of boots, saying that they were too small for her calves. I didn't believe her, because she is HOTT and tall and lovely. But then I actually looked at her calves. My god! They were big.

6:01 PM  
Anonymous Eric H said...

Heh, saw this link and thought of this post. YMMV.

5:58 PM  

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